Is she cheating

[Depression = 72% of members]

There have been lots of signs lately.  Less intimacy with me, even backing away from passionate kissing without expressing a reason as she generally does.  Even after we talk about it, days pass, and things are going well. . .she's flirting, hinting, sending texts. . .then she stops me yet again.  This all got consistent after she began opening up and meeting more friends, mostly guys. 

[Papa33J]

There have been lots of signs lately.  Less intimacy with me, even backing away from passionate kissing without expressing a reason as she generally does.  Even after we talk about it, days pass, and things are going well. . .she's flirting, hinting, sending texts. . .then she stops me yet again.  This all got consistent after she began opening up and meeting more friends, mostly guys. 

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Shane87]

Papa33J,

I wish that I had a solid answer for you, but I don't.  My Sweetheart cut off passionate kissing shortly after we were married.  She's withheld physical intimacy for weeks and months at a time, will suddenly flirt and be physical, then go back to withholding physical intimacy.  Yet my dear wife has never cheated that I'm aware of.  It's just that she uses physical intimacy as a form of control in the relationship.

That said, it is not uncommon among those suffering with BPD to engage in impulsive behavior including promiscuity in many cases.  So you may have a very legitimate concern.  Only you can learn what is going on.  Best wishes in sorting it out.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Papa, ,

Sorry you are having concerns about your partner's fidelity. Another option to cheating is that your partner may be engaging in push/pull type behavior. She will push you away when things feel too close or intimate and when she feels like you are backing off, she will pull you back in because she fears rejection.

She may also be cheating, but without any real evidence, it probably wouldn't be wise to confront her on that.

Have you tried to have a conversation with her about how you feel? Perhaps you could try to share with her that you miss being physically close with her and that it confuses you when you get flirty texts from her, but when you are together things seem off.