Wife has BPD

[Joe Gut]

I believe that my wife has BPD: emotionally abusive, takes little to no responsibility for her behavior, blames/projects everything on me, irrational, and threatening.

# I feel like a terrorized POW. I suffer from PTSD:
        * Generalized anxiety
        * Sleeplessness
        * Nightmares
        * Difficulty concentrating
        * High activity levels
        * Increased aggression
# I feel like a victim of Stockholm Syndrome (strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other.)
# I believe that my teenage sons also feel like POWs and victims of Stockholm Syndrome and emotional abuse. I also believe that they have developed learned helplessness.
# I fear for my safety from physical attacks, loss of personal property and use of personal property, loss of finances and private financial information, trespass, and invasion of privacy.
# To cope, the kids have developed behaviors that help them deny, ignore, or avoid difficult emotions. They detach themselves. They don't talk. They don't touch. They don't confront. They don't feel. They don't trust. Their identity and emotional development are inhibited.
# My youngest son has been diagnosed with persistent chronic depression and has attempted suicide a couple of times.
# There is little psychological safety - shared belief held by members of a family that the family is safe for interpersonal risk-taking ... .a sense of confidence that the family will not embarrass, reject or punish someone for speaking up... .climate characterized by interpersonal trust and mutual respect in which people are comfortable being themselves... .In the best families, members listen to one another and show sensitivity to feelings and needs.
# I feel that my wife has alienated me from my youngest son. My son said he is fat. I explained how doctors and science say he is not fat. He said that he can not trust me because of the names that my wife calls me.

I am trying to get my wife to see a therapist but she has not. What should I do? How can I find a therapist which will not reinforce but help?

From website:
1. Take good care of yourself  2. Uncover what keeps you stuck 3. Communicate to be heard 4. Set limits with love 5. Reinforce the right behaviors.

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Shane87]

I would encourage seeing a psychiatrist before a therapist.  A psychiatrist can give an appropriate diagnosis if one is necessary, and then provide the proper direction for the type of help needed.

I wish you the best of luck in finding help.  From the description of physical attacks and the impact on the kids, I would encourage seeking a psychiatrist's involvement much sooner than later.