BPD Wife has first DBT Session Tomorrow

[Sprout2]

I am really nervous about what to expect tomorrow after my BPD wife attends her first DBT session. Not sure if it will be a trigger or a positive thing. She's spent the past few weeks going through a battery of tests to see "Where I (she) need to go". I'm just happy she is attending because when she came home after her first session with the recommended physiologist from her physiatrist she said the lady "Laughed at the BPD diagagnosis and thinks I just have anxiety caused by you (me)". It will be a very interesting 24 hrs. I'm just hoping others may share what to expect based on their experiences since I'm tired of being anxious myself always waiting to see which wife is going to walk through the door when she comes home.

Thanks for any insight! 

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[BrianTx]

At least she is getting some kind of help.  I understand how you feel about being blamed for her anxiety.  I am sure that is because your wife painted a picture that presented her view point and not reality.  Understand that you could be a source of her anxiety if you are invalidating her.  I was unaware that I was doing this to my wife until I read about it.

[flourdust]

What's her attitude about the DBT program?

When my wife started DBT, her attitude bounced between "I'm in the right program to help me" and "I'm only doing this because you're forcing me to go," depending on her mood of the moment.

I saw improvement in the first few weeks in the program, when she seemed to be consciously trying to use the skills. Later, she started getting into interpersonal drama in the program, using the skills to "prove" that I was the bad guy, and otherwise not really benefitting from participation.

But others have reported more success, after a lot of time and effort, and with realistic goals.

What are you (or she) hoping to happen as a result of DBT?

[Jester20]

Hi,
My husband is in his 9th month of group DBT.
I too dreaded it at first... .the first few weeks he was quiet the evenings before group and never really slept well. Sometimes he comes back feeling really positive and says it was a really good session other weeks he cones back and is quiet, withdrawn and maybe I can sense some stress. I normally just give him space if I sense that and he may or may not open up a few days later.
If he doesn't then I don't ask... .it's none of my business... .as long as he is going then I'm happy.
My husband has never had a go at me following it... .never blamed me etc.

[Sprout2]

Flourdust - I'm glad she's going but a few months back she didn't think she needed "Any Of This Stuff".  I hope she finds the skills to see reality like those around her and stops thinking that most things are against her. What I really want is that sweet loving woman I married back but I know this is my new reality and I'm trying to adjust and understand better.

[flourdust]

Hi, Sprout2. You can certainly do some work yourself -- there are some good resources in the "Lessons" links to the right of this page. (You may have to scroll up or down to see them.)

It's probably true that a best-case scenario is that your wife is able to somewhat manage her behaviors (and the thought processes that lead to them) some of the time, but there will still be challenges.