What if after investing 5, 10, 15 years, my BPD announces one day that she is done and leaves for good leaving me behind shattered?
Why would anybody want to stay in a relationship like this for 5, 10, 15 years?
My ex would probably still be around and would likely still be doing abusive and inexcusable things if I hadn't gotten tired and stood up for myself. No matter how much somebody loves another person, that is not an excuse to allow yourself to be treated abusively.
I can completely understand feeling like he is throwing it all away. There was a lot of time when I felt like ex threw me away. He would argue that I am the one that asked him to leave. He said that he isn't the one that left by choice. Um, that completely begs the question of, "How much crap was I supposed to take?"
He may not have left voluntarily but I don't know anybody with any amount of sanity that would have continued to stick around and take the kind of stuff that he was dishing out. He wasn't leaving me or breaking up with me but he was showing me pictures of his latest love interests because we were supposed to be in an "open" relationship. It was fine for him to show me pictures of those women and tell me how great they were and how they inspired him and floated his boat and I didn't. Having somebody claim to be "IN" a relationship with you means nothing if there is no reciprocity.
When I first started seeking help from different avenues, like a 12 step group for spouses of sex addicts, one of the first questions I was asked is, "Why didn't you say something? Why did you allow yourself to be treated like that?" Um, very good question. I can love ex and see good qualities in him while making a very conscious decision to NOT be in a relationship with him because he is incapable of being in a reciprocal relationship.