New here

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hello all,

I'm brand new. I grew up in a dysfunctional family. And after some recent disturbing events, as well as learning of some past disturbing events, involving a family member, I've  started reading psychology books on the subject of BPD and other personality disorders that have led me to believe that multiple members of my family may have many of the traits listed. I'm also reading about dysfunctional traits being transferred from generation to generation in families. And I guess I'm just a bit confused by all the information and trying to figure out what's going on exactly.

I can identify many of the overt BPD behaviors from family members that I recall experiencing at times in my life, but since this is all I've known since I was child, it's kind of hard to compare it to other family situations to understand just how unusual it is. And the main behaviors I'm looking at are psychological and verbal in nature. And aside from the obvious overt behaviors, I believe there might be constant covert abuse in the form of tonality, such as starting off a conversation with a disappointing tone or framing something like I need to prove myself to them or asking something that seems too intimate and inappropriate. But I'm still unclear of what is going on exactly.

I would be grateful if you guys could help me in navigating this stuff. For example, is it possible that an entire family has personality disorder traits? Maybe based on the generational transfer of dysfunction and the fact that often people with dysfunction or who grew up with dysfunction attract others with dysfunction? Also how do I know if what I've been used to all my life is in fact more covert ways of verbal abuse and manipulation and I just never knew it until now?

Thanks for your help!

[new2bpdfamily]

Hello all,

I'm brand new. I grew up in a dysfunctional family. And after some recent disturbing events, as well as learning of some past disturbing events, involving a family member, I've  started reading psychology books on the subject of BPD and other personality disorders that have led me to believe that multiple members of my family may have many of the traits listed. I'm also reading about dysfunctional traits being transferred from generation to generation in families. And I guess I'm just a bit confused by all the information and trying to figure out what's going on exactly.

I can identify many of the overt BPD behaviors from family members that I recall experiencing at times in my life, but since this is all I've known since I was child, it's kind of hard to compare it to other family situations to understand just how unusual it is. And the main behaviors I'm looking at are psychological and verbal in nature. And aside from the obvious overt behaviors, I believe there might be constant covert abuse in the form of tonality, such as starting off a conversation with a disappointing tone or framing something like I need to prove myself to them or asking something that seems too intimate and inappropriate. But I'm still unclear of what is going on exactly.

I would be grateful if you guys could help me in navigating this stuff. For example, is it possible that an entire family has personality disorder traits? Maybe based on the generational transfer of dysfunction and the fact that often people with dysfunction or who grew up with dysfunction attract others with dysfunction? Also how do I know if what I've been used to all my life is in fact more covert ways of verbal abuse and manipulation and I just never knew it until now?

Thanks for your help!

[DaddyBear77]

Hello new2bpdfamily and welcome!

I'm really sorry to hear about all the difficulties (and difficult relationships) you've experienced in your family over the years. I can't say for sure whether it's "common" or not to have many members of a family with similar disorders, but we've got some info and some tools here that will probably help you find the answer for yourself.

Help with navigation is what we do best here. I would suggest you start by taking a look at the Clinical Overview of BPD here: https://bpdfamily.com/content/borderline-personality-disorder-clinical-overview - it references some twin studies that show BPD could be genetically linked. Other factors like a common environment might also be at play.

I'm also sure that others will have some stories to tell, so I've linked your post here on the Coping and Healing board.

Good luck and please continue to post.

~DaddyBear77