Introduction

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hello, I'm glad I have found this site.  I am losing my mind trying to deal with my 19 year old son who still lives at home.  I know I should maintain calm and be the adult, but I immediately get defensive and start yelling.  He's been hospitalized twice for suicidal statements, is failing classes and just using us as a roof over his head.  The guilt, confusion, anger and hopelessness I feel are becoming overwhelming.  I feel like I have failed at being his mother.  I hope to gain insight and learn to relate to him better.

[Fincher66]

Hello, I'm glad I have found this site.  I am losing my mind trying to deal with my 19 year old son who still lives at home.  I know I should maintain calm and be the adult, but I immediately get defensive and start yelling.  He's been hospitalized twice for suicidal statements, is failing classes and just using us as a roof over his head.  The guilt, confusion, anger and hopelessness I feel are becoming overwhelming.  I feel like I have failed at being his mother.  I hope to gain insight and learn to relate to him better.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Fincher66

Welcome to bpdfamily parents forum.

I'm sorry to hear what you are dealing with your son, it's overwhelming as you say, parents here understand and can support you, we all learn together, you are not alone.  .

Is it ok with you to share a bit more with us? Has your son been diagnosed BPD, if so does he accept his diagnosis? Do you have support from a member of your family or a friend?

You've not failed, you are taking a step forwards and we can help you.

Small gentle steps, we are walking the path with you.

WDx

[Fincher66]

Thank you WendyDarling,
A little more info.Psychiatrist hinted he showed signs of BPD but as he was under 18 at the time, wouldn't put that diagnosis on him.  My husband is very supportive but also very frustrated dealing with him.  I feel so much guilt as a Mom, that perhaps he suffers because I have failed to mother him correctly or something.  I have done the best I know how, but I am quick to get angry and frustrated with him.

[Skritty]

Hi Fincher66
Like you, we are struggling with our BPDs33 son. I discovered this site fairly recently, and it has been a tremendous help just in feeling that you are not alone. I am constantly amazed at the similarity to our situation of the many postings I have read on this site, and reading them is very reassuring that we are not alone. There is tremendous information on this site, start with the BPD Family Connections/Start Here! at the right side of this page. I found this a great place to begin.
The feelings of parental failure are strong, but know that you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. I am convinced that the vast majority of parents contributing to this site are in that situation. The anger and frustration  are normal reactions, and it takes a lot of learning and understanding of BPD to change these reactions into a more positive approach.
My heart goes out to you and all of us on this site. It will take time and understanding to move forward, but I can tell you that even after a short period of time participating on this site has helped us in our situation.
Skritty