Guilt and confusion

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hello!
After my breakup with someone I believe has BPD, but this is only a strong assumption. The roller coaster started 13 years into my marriage. I met a gorgeous woman at work who was 9 years younger than me. She was incredibly interested in everything I had to say and seemed to enjoy all the same things I did with such passion. I thought I had found my soul mate. We started going to lunch together and before I knew it we were both in a full blown emotional affair. For a year and a half this woman seemed so perfect and was so sweet and thoughtful. Talking, she would tell me all the nice things she would do for her boyfriend and all the sex she enjoyed having. Well, I left my wife to be with this woman. I know, I'm a no good cheater and I have admitted that to my ex, sincerely apologized and we have been able to form a very good friendship. Okay, back to my story. Shortly after my new relationship formed this incredible woman basically put me on the backburner. I felt I continued to try to please her, but she never did the same for me. (confusion part) I would get upset and she would say, "you're right, I should do more." After a month, sex came only once a week. I started to feel like there was something wrong with me, because she had said she was so sexual before. I started noticing strange behavior, like a broken glass would put her silent for hours, if I brought something up that she did to upset me she would go silent. After dating for a for about 6 months she asked me out to dinner to talk. She told me that she couldn't be with me anymore and sat in the restaurant and cried the whole time. We went back to her apartment and she initiated very passionate sex. I asked why and she said she felt like she was losing me. The next morning she asked me to leave as she cried. I called the next day and asked her to reconsider and talk. she agreed. I took her out to dinner for her to only say that her mind was made up. I was upset. Why did I just spend $60 on a dinner? We went back to her house again and like last time she initiated passionate sex. I told her it was confusing and she said that she felt like she was loosing me. She asked me to leave the next morning, cried and said her good bye. 3 days later I receive a call that she made a mistake and she wanted to be with me. She baked a cheesecake and had sex with me twice that night. We ended up moving in together a few months later. Her moods began to change quickly. I recall one time she looked so angry at me. I asked what was wrong and she said she didn't know. I asked did I do something to upset her and she said she didn't know but was trying to figure it out. I was confused and became angry at the answer. I imagine this is splitting? This began to happen more and more often. This look of hate towards me for no reason and out of the blue. I began to not be able to control my emotions. I would yell and felt like a crazy person. She would just sit silent. Oh, she never apologized for anything. I told her something hurt my feelings and she would just sit silent for hours until I exploded. It was like dealing with a child when problems arose, a simple sorry could fix everything. Instead I was always apologizing because I was the one who got mad in the end. She continued to be very selfish in our relationship. I felt like I would do do and do, but she rarely reciprocated. I think the end came when I spent $1300 and two months planning a birthday trip for her. It was amazing. My birthday was a month later and I told her I did not expect a lot. Well, she did nothing. I mean nothing. Not a card, cook a dinner, nothing. She sat around and sulked because she had a bad day at work. She did apologize this time and cried and said please don't think I don't love you. Our relationship ended one month later. She was supposed to go with me to an event I was very excited about. It was planned for months. She had her first Psychologist apt the day before the event. I came home after the apt and told her I loved her and she looked at me again like she absolutely hated me. The weekend before we were talking about getting married? She was very short and nasty, but denied it. My psychologist said she was projecting what ever happened at her apt on me. I asked to talk about it and she said no. I left her alone and woke up the next morning and she still was in this awful mood. She said that she didn't feel comfortable being around me?  I was like what does that mean. She refused to go to the event and continued saying she didn't feel comfortable around me. I lost it. I called her crazy, told her she was the most selfish and cold human I have ever met, along with a bunch of other cruel things via text. Two days later she shows up with the cops to get a few things and then takes a restraining order out on me. This has been 6 months ago. I have apologized over and over again via email and text. I asked for peaceful closure but I have not heard anything. I put a tracker on the emails I sent and I know she reads them several times a day. She also had her mail continue to be sent to my house for 2.5 months and stopped by while I was at work to get it. She left a few items as well and would only grab one or two things so she could come back. We have a shared quora account and she was looking up how to get over a relationship with a narcissist. I feel like with the way I exploded at times, maybe I am the one with BPD. Or worse I have NPD. I feel incredibly guilty for my actions and have never reacted like that before. I started anger management and feel incredibly confused and get all types of anxiety that I am a narcissist. I guess I will never get closure and have to find that myself. I find it hard to forgive myself and blame the breakup on me. Oh, after 4 months of Psychology sessions and several personality disorder tests my psy assure me I don't have NPD or BPD, but I still believe I do. Any suggestions?

[kayjay0972]

Hello!
After my breakup with someone I believe has BPD, but this is only a strong assumption. The roller coaster started 13 years into my marriage. I met a gorgeous woman at work who was 9 years younger than me. She was incredibly interested in everything I had to say and seemed to enjoy all the same things I did with such passion. I thought I had found my soul mate. We started going to lunch together and before I knew it we were both in a full blown emotional affair. For a year and a half this woman seemed so perfect and was so sweet and thoughtful. Talking, she would tell me all the nice things she would do for her boyfriend and all the sex she enjoyed having. Well, I left my wife to be with this woman. I know, I'm a no good cheater and I have admitted that to my ex, sincerely apologized and we have been able to form a very good friendship. Okay, back to my story. Shortly after my new relationship formed this incredible woman basically put me on the backburner. I felt I continued to try to please her, but she never did the same for me. (confusion part) I would get upset and she would say, "you're right, I should do more." After a month, sex came only once a week. I started to feel like there was something wrong with me, because she had said she was so sexual before. I started noticing strange behavior, like a broken glass would put her silent for hours, if I brought something up that she did to upset me she would go silent. After dating for a for about 6 months she asked me out to dinner to talk. She told me that she couldn't be with me anymore and sat in the restaurant and cried the whole time. We went back to her apartment and she initiated very passionate sex. I asked why and she said she felt like she was losing me. The next morning she asked me to leave as she cried. I called the next day and asked her to reconsider and talk. she agreed. I took her out to dinner for her to only say that her mind was made up. I was upset. Why did I just spend $60 on a dinner? We went back to her house again and like last time she initiated passionate sex. I told her it was confusing and she said that she felt like she was loosing me. She asked me to leave the next morning, cried and said her good bye. 3 days later I receive a call that she made a mistake and she wanted to be with me. She baked a cheesecake and had sex with me twice that night. We ended up moving in together a few months later. Her moods began to change quickly. I recall one time she looked so angry at me. I asked what was wrong and she said she didn't know. I asked did I do something to upset her and she said she didn't know but was trying to figure it out. I was confused and became angry at the answer. I imagine this is splitting? This began to happen more and more often. This look of hate towards me for no reason and out of the blue. I began to not be able to control my emotions. I would yell and felt like a crazy person. She would just sit silent. Oh, she never apologized for anything. I told her something hurt my feelings and she would just sit silent for hours until I exploded. It was like dealing with a child when problems arose, a simple sorry could fix everything. Instead I was always apologizing because I was the one who got mad in the end. She continued to be very selfish in our relationship. I felt like I would do do and do, but she rarely reciprocated. I think the end came when I spent $1300 and two months planning a birthday trip for her. It was amazing. My birthday was a month later and I told her I did not expect a lot. Well, she did nothing. I mean nothing. Not a card, cook a dinner, nothing. She sat around and sulked because she had a bad day at work. She did apologize this time and cried and said please don't think I don't love you. Our relationship ended one month later. She was supposed to go with me to an event I was very excited about. It was planned for months. She had her first Psychologist apt the day before the event. I came home after the apt and told her I loved her and she looked at me again like she absolutely hated me. The weekend before we were talking about getting married? She was very short and nasty, but denied it. My psychologist said she was projecting what ever happened at her apt on me. I asked to talk about it and she said no. I left her alone and woke up the next morning and she still was in this awful mood. She said that she didn't feel comfortable being around me?  I was like what does that mean. She refused to go to the event and continued saying she didn't feel comfortable around me. I lost it. I called her crazy, told her she was the most selfish and cold human I have ever met, along with a bunch of other cruel things via text. Two days later she shows up with the cops to get a few things and then takes a restraining order out on me. This has been 6 months ago. I have apologized over and over again via email and text. I asked for peaceful closure but I have not heard anything. I put a tracker on the emails I sent and I know she reads them several times a day. She also had her mail continue to be sent to my house for 2.5 months and stopped by while I was at work to get it. She left a few items as well and would only grab one or two things so she could come back. We have a shared quora account and she was looking up how to get over a relationship with a narcissist. I feel like with the way I exploded at times, maybe I am the one with BPD. Or worse I have NPD. I feel incredibly guilty for my actions and have never reacted like that before. I started anger management and feel incredibly confused and get all types of anxiety that I am a narcissist. I guess I will never get closure and have to find that myself. I find it hard to forgive myself and blame the breakup on me. Oh, after 4 months of Psychology sessions and several personality disorder tests my psy assure me I don't have NPD or BPD, but I still believe I do. Any suggestions?

[hugga123]

Sounds like my story, although it was only 13 months and I never really got angry. Although I should have.
I have been at two psychotherapists, one of them also a psychoanalyst and both told my everything is fine with me.
Your exgf probably only had BPD traits, as well as mine. I think that makes it even harder to cope with, because you don't have a clear answer.

I couldn't believe that in that state. It got better, i stayed single and finally I am sane again.
As well as you, I thought I was the crazy one, during my depression episodes. It will subside. Believe me.
Last weekend i was "myself" for the first time after 15 months.
I was amongst my oldest friends and they told me "wow old hugga is back".
That felt good. You'll get there as well!