Hi Roxzan,
Welcome to BPD Family. Your story is extremely familiar here. Many of us know exactly what you're talking about when you said "I have walked on eggshells my entire married life" and "I am numb". Many of us have felt the same way. You're definitely welcome here. Codependency is extremely common here as well.
You'll find plenty of support here. The community is extremely welcoming and we're here when you need us. There are also plenty of resources here that can help in overcoming many of the obstacles you're facing. The most useful of these when getting started are located on the sidebar to the right. If you have any questions as you discover more, we're definitely here for you. The best first steps can be located under the heading "What is the First Step". These items can help in learning basic key skills commonly used in these situations.
You had mentioned codependency. The third lesson on the sidebar to the right, "Understanding your role in the relationship", may be of interest to you. Are there any other key understandings you were looking for?
When your ready, it would be great to hear more about your story.
You also mentioned that anger has always been apart of your marriage. A workshop just began a few days ago that focuses on tools that can be used in these situations. It is entitled, "How to Deal with an Angry Partner". If your interested you can find this workshop at the following link:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=309757Again, I look forward to hearing more from you,
- Staying Steady
