Four year relationship over

[Depression = 72% of members]

I've been in a relationship with the man I truly and honestly love for four years now.
The first few years of our relationship were amazing.
I started to change, I was so angry all the time. Everything everyone did would make me blow up, but within seconds i'd be over it. Every time my boyfriend and I got into a fight I would throw things and yell and say terrible things I never actually meant. My anger would sometimes last for minutes and sometimes for hours. But when I was done, I was done. I would go back to him and act like nothing ever happened. Like I was totally normal. But the sad part is, I knew I wasn't normal and I knew something was wrong with me but I did nothing about it. Things started getting worse I randomly quit my job one day (I was working there for 6 years) because my boss pissed me off. I would get in fights with people that worked in stores over stupid things, yell at people for making noise in the movie theatre (while not even really paying attention to the movie anyway) I didnt have any interest in the things my boyfriend wanted to do. I would get mad or sad and go on huge spending sprees. I didnt want to see my family. I didnt want to see my friends. The only person I saw was the man i lived with, the man i loved and the only thing i did was take my anger out on him. He was amazing and he tried to be understanding. Even one night we talked about getting me help and seeing why I was becoming the person I was becoming. We broke up for like the 400th time, obviously because i am me, and i dont control the words coming out of my mouth.
This time it is serious and he tells me he doesnt want me anymore, that he has no feelings for me and that he has moved on and cant be with me. He says he will be my friend and nothing more. 
He tells me this about two weeks after I finally decide to get help.
I dont know what to do. I feel the worst I have ever felt.
Has anyone else gone through something similar?

[cat31203120]

I've been in a relationship with the man I truly and honestly love for four years now.
The first few years of our relationship were amazing.
I started to change, I was so angry all the time. Everything everyone did would make me blow up, but within seconds i'd be over it. Every time my boyfriend and I got into a fight I would throw things and yell and say terrible things I never actually meant. My anger would sometimes last for minutes and sometimes for hours. But when I was done, I was done. I would go back to him and act like nothing ever happened. Like I was totally normal. But the sad part is, I knew I wasn't normal and I knew something was wrong with me but I did nothing about it. Things started getting worse I randomly quit my job one day (I was working there for 6 years) because my boss pissed me off. I would get in fights with people that worked in stores over stupid things, yell at people for making noise in the movie theatre (while not even really paying attention to the movie anyway) I didnt have any interest in the things my boyfriend wanted to do. I would get mad or sad and go on huge spending sprees. I didnt want to see my family. I didnt want to see my friends. The only person I saw was the man i lived with, the man i loved and the only thing i did was take my anger out on him. He was amazing and he tried to be understanding. Even one night we talked about getting me help and seeing why I was becoming the person I was becoming. We broke up for like the 400th time, obviously because i am me, and i dont control the words coming out of my mouth.
This time it is serious and he tells me he doesnt want me anymore, that he has no feelings for me and that he has moved on and cant be with me. He says he will be my friend and nothing more. 
He tells me this about two weeks after I finally decide to get help.
I dont know what to do. I feel the worst I have ever felt.
Has anyone else gone through something similar?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[gotbushels]

Hi cat31203120 

Welcome.

It's normal to feel lost after a relationship of 4 years. I think that's true even if the relationship involved a lot of conflict. I would encourage you not to let the closeness of the breakup to your seeking help discourage you. Seeking help is one of the most important steps some people take. It's hard to feel and understand that at this time, but I'll share with you that it's very true.

I support your decision to get help. There's a lot of things you mention that would signal to many people that help is something good to be considered.

I encourage you to work with a suitable T or P. Because you're on a site to support people involved in a relationship with a person with BPD, I encourage you to look at someone with a specialty around these areas, e.g., DBT. Regardless of diagnosis, people in these relationships find that the support a T or P can provide while they work through the issues is helpful.

The site's acronyms are here.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=26601.msg427962#msg427962

I hope you find peace.