Possible move and then what?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

In 6 weeks I am going to be taking a trip half way across the country to a city I may move to. I have family friends in the area and it has a great school I can go on to a Master's Degree in. It is much nicer than the city we live in now. At this point I am thinking of moving around September if I like this place. Our last parenting plan from last August stated that he needed to do a month of supervised visits and then he could have every other weekend. Of course he has still never reached out to me ( almost 16 months of no contact and 8k behind in support, never paid anything). At this point I have sent him mail at his last known address since last December with it all being sent back to me. I don't have any way of notifying him of a move so I'm not worried about the 30 day move away notice requirement in our parenting plan. I have tried to send him mail to no avail. But say I move away and he decides to reach out for contact. If our parenting plan that stands would have to be followed how do I do supervised visits 1,500 miles away. Would I be expected to just let her go see him unsupervised?

[rarsweet]

In 6 weeks I am going to be taking a trip half way across the country to a city I may move to. I have family friends in the area and it has a great school I can go on to a Master's Degree in. It is much nicer than the city we live in now. At this point I am thinking of moving around September if I like this place. Our last parenting plan from last August stated that he needed to do a month of supervised visits and then he could have every other weekend. Of course he has still never reached out to me ( almost 16 months of no contact and 8k behind in support, never paid anything). At this point I have sent him mail at his last known address since last December with it all being sent back to me. I don't have any way of notifying him of a move so I'm not worried about the 30 day move away notice requirement in our parenting plan. I have tried to send him mail to no avail. But say I move away and he decides to reach out for contact. If our parenting plan that stands would have to be followed how do I do supervised visits 1,500 miles away. Would I be expected to just let her go see him unsupervised?

[livednlearned]

It's hard when they stay involved, and it's a different kind of hard when they spin off and disappear. 

Do you feel you can call the shots anyway you like at this point?

It would be on him to take you to court to reinforce a court order even he couldn't follow, and he sounds too low-functioning to file something with court.

[rarsweet]

Yes I do. He isn't involved at all so I don't have any more consideration for his role as a parent. Without him being involved though I hate the unknown. My fear is that if I move away he will reappear and do anything to make life difficult. Not that that is going to stop me though.

[Sunfl0wer]

I forgot what it is called but you can file to request the new residence be the one that court is designated for.  Maybe a question for the legal board?

[ForeverDad]

Thousands of separated or divorced parents move every week.  Courts accept that reality, that's why they have Notice of Relocation forms.  As I recall your court requires service first.  So attempt service and save the returned envelopes.  Then go ahead and move.  You have the perfect defense, you tried to serve him but failed and so could not proceed with the court.  (Can you still update the court with your new address if it is ever needed?  If they won't accept it without service then perhaps you can 'hire' an attorney just to be the court contact for you?)

If he ever reappears then the court ought to handle the prospective issues and not the past notice issue.

[Thunderstruck]

I'd think just make sure you're following your state's guidelines for moving (in my state it's clearly specified). If you are required to give notice make sure you are doing certified letters. Document document document.

You have good reasons for moving, you don't need to doubt yourself. If dad surfaces and throws a stink then he's going to have to explain himself to the court. If I were a judge and this person was sitting in front of me saying they haven't exercised their visitation in 16 months and haven't paid anything in child support... .I sure as heck wouldn't give them any leeway. In any case, if he caused trouble after you moved then I'm sure the court would be focused on amending the order so that it fits the new situation (and no, I don't think that he would just pop up out of nowhere and get unsupervised visits). But... .I really don't think he'd take it to the courts.

I think what will happen is he will resurface one day and want to see the babe. You could work with him to try to accommodate him. Maybe start with Skype and see if he can travel to visit.

[rarsweet]

I did try to send him mail last December.  The returned envelope was stamped every other week as not signed for from December until March. I know he moved out of the address last July because it was his dad's house and his dad let me know. His father also moved out of this town last November so noone has been there for 8 months. He hasn't updated an address with the court or child support services. Actually child support division has let me know that they cannot do anything to him for not paying child support because they have to have a verifiable address or employment address to serve him notice of intent to enforce, and there isn't any known address for him. I do have emails and voicemails from them saying this. So he should be charged with felony non support right now, lose his license, etc, but he can't be charged because he can't be served notice of impending charges. His phone was disconnected at Christmas of 2015 and he never gave me another number. He does however manage to go to my work and tell my coworkers that I hookup with guys on Craigslist and take them home where our daughter is. When my coworkers told me this I laughed my butt off, I have 4 jobs at this point and graduated college 6 months early in March and started another degree 10 days later. I don't have the time to date even if I wanted to. Plus he hasn't had contact in a year and a half so how would he know what I do . Coworkers thought it funny.28 days until I go check out the other city and school!