Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 29, 2024, 12:18:26 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Near or in break-up mode?
What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship
Is Your Relationship Breaking Down?
Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)
95
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Keeps breaking me  (Read 358 times)
ACP

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 7


« on: May 17, 2017, 12:47:53 AM »

Lots of background but we got together in 2004, married 2009 and separated in 2016.  She has BPD.  She keeps saying she doesn't want to ever get back together but she also broke down and told me she still loves me and wishes we were together every once in a while. She was dating a guy for short period time and moved in with him.  Just before she moved in I got a phone call at three in the morning with her crying, she called to tell me that she was moving in with this guy and she didn't want me to hear it from anyone else.  This was late February and in late January she told me she was starting to see someone and she had to cut off all contact with me because it is not fair to him. So during this phone call  she kept stressing to me because she said it over and over that she does not love him she only loves me she is only doing this to survive. She also went on to say she misses me she wishes we were still together among other things but we ended the phone call  with she wanted to have more contact with each other. Well she moved in and this guy is a plea control freak and it ended up as having to hide contact with each other because she said she wasn't afraid for herself She was afraid he would do something to me.   Well this past Friday she called me at 6:30 in the morning  crying and pleading with me for help she needs to get out of this house. I go out and rent a truck and go over there. I get there and she is just a mess so all she wants from me is for me to hold her and console her  basically make her feel loved and try to make her feel better make her feel like everything is going to be all right. I work my ass off and then she comes to me and says you got to go. The only reason he wasn't there was because she told him she had called the police.   So when she told me to go it was because he had sent over a bunch of his friends to keep an eye on the place and she was afraid they would do something to me. She kept checking in with me because she knew I was worried and told me  if anything started to happen she would call the place. She was not alone so I was only mildly worried. I got her a hotel room so she could get sleep that night because I knew she desperately needed it and this way she would not be bothered by anyone.  The move kept taking longer and she asked him if she could move the rest of the stuff out tomorrow which is on Saturday and he said yes so she came to the hotel room we had a bite to eat together talked and then she was getting tired so I left.  She was not allowed to go to the house until late the next day because of him so the truck just sat there while I paid for and I was supposed to have it back that night or first thing in the morning because it had been booked for the next day.  She wouldn't really contact me the next day and I'm not sure why so I figured I'd let her be and then at the end of the day I was wondering about the truck and then I got a message from her friend saying it will be back first thing in the morning.  I sent her a message and she would not respond I called and she would not answer. In the morning I was wondering what was going on with this truck because I was getting held up by the truck company and then finally she sent me a message that was very rude  telling me it will be back this morning and I should come the ___ down. Well I just left it at that and it didn't get returned in the morning finally around 4 PM she sent me a message saying she will be done with the truck soon and I told her  I can help her unload it at the storage, which I also paid for, and she said no because the boys are helping so I cannot be there. I said fine can you just give me a heads up on what time it will be unloaded because I need to find somebody to go with me because I can't drive two.   Two hours later I get a message all done with the truck it's parked outside on the road of the storage and the keys are under the seat, and she also said I need to understand that we are just friends. I tried calling and texting her with no response She didn't even say thank you and I haven't heard from her since.  I have made it very clear I could never be just friends with her and that is why she cut off contact with me earlier, because she can be with somebody and have it fair to him with me around wanting her.   I only put up with this relationship because I knew it was doomed from the beginning and because of that phone call I mentioned earlier. She knows  I am in love with her and will only think of her that way and the way she treats me and talks to me is in no way how you would with a friend. It just makes me feel like ___ because this is the only time, this guy freaked out before and she called me anytime she has a big problem she calls me I'm the one she calls  when she needs help, a shoulder to cry on. I just can't believe after that Friday of her needing me so badly and me just jump into a rescue and doing so much for her and then she just dismisses me, ignores is me basically throws me out with the trash.  I know she's going through a lot but come on just say so. I'm having a hard time dealing with things could you just give me some space please thank you for all your help we will talk soon. Something like that is it that hard or is it going to be like this?   I love this woman so much and I put up with so much from her, everybody tells me to just run away because the way she treats me and I'm even talking about her own friends but I can't I love her and shes sick.   About eight months ago I made a promise to her because she asked me to to never give up on her and she said it's going to get worse and I said that's OK you're worth it.  I can't think of being with everybody but her. I haven't been hard since the last time we had sex which was about eight months ago and when I say that I mean I can't even do it to myself.  I'm going to be patient and just be friends and I really think things will progress from there as long as we get to see each other and have fun together but I can't handle if she has another boyfriend that'll be it and I'll have to get her to promise and say to me that she  never contact me again and I will need her to promise that I'm going to say if you ever love me you have to promise not to ever contact me no matter what because I will answer and if you want me to have a life you can't be in it unless  you're going to be with me in it. I can't do that again it was hard enough this time and I knew they weren't going to last.   I just miss her so bad, I have no friends she was my friend my best friend, we did everything together and I loved it because well we have the same interests  we liked everything the other one did TV shows sports whatever it didn't matter news we have the same morals we wanted to see more of life didn't matter we loved being with each other all the time we have a connection deeper than any of my friends seeing that are married. We were irresponsible which lead to debt which led to stress which led to fighting which led to separating.  I think she's just scared of coming back to how it was when she left but you could say that was a lot better than what she's lived through the year since.   Am I fooling myself? Do I have a chance? She says I don't but then she keeps contacting me and I asked why is there answer is because I'm the only one who understands her because I'm the best friend she's ever had  because she feels alone because she can be herself with me and no one else everyone else she has to be fake with him even if it's just for a little bit it feels good to be herself again.  I really think she still loves me she's just scared and confused and I don't know what to do all I do is be there for her when she needs me.  I want my wife back, I want my best friend but she is literally everything to me and I truly feel empty without her alone without her. It doesn't matter how many people around me I am alone if she is not there all I want is her to be there. Any tips and the advice and he whatever I don't care anything to help please?
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Meili
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2384


« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2017, 10:05:15 AM »

Welcome

Man, I can relate to what you wrote. I remember feeling all of those things... .all of the confusion, hurt, loneliness, and wanting nothing more in life than to help her... .

I'm truly sorry that you are going through it all.

One of the main things that I learned was that the best thing that I could do for myself, her, and the relationship was to stop rescuing. It was hard. Seeing her struggle killed me. But, I learned that I had to do it.

When we try to "rescue" someone else and solve their problems for them, they learn to take advantage of us and treat us poorly. They lose respect and we become doormats. We get used.

Because I had to learn to stop trying to be a white knight, I know how difficult and scary it is when faced with the change. As I said earlier though, it was best for all involved and gave the relationship the best chance for success.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!