Thanks for the response Nibbler
I'm currently living with 2 BPDs. One has had some help and the other has no clue. One side of my family is riddled with them and the rest of the family has cropped up with things from schizophrenia(cousin) to alcoholism(sibling, cousin, uncles)
I've had some therapy for depression/self-esteem/anger. That helped a lot at the time, but it was before I had heard of BPD.
Financial issues cropped up the last couple years, and that's when I started a bit of my own self medicating. Everything was such a tornado of emotional garbage it just numbed things up.
In that same period I learned about BPD and it explained so much! I could identify the breakdowns of family members and even predict them and prevent them. But, after a while that's become wearisome... .
Nothing has really changed in the last year+ on our relationships, but financially I'm kinda of stuck with them (Silicon Valley housing)
My depression levels do ebb and flow situationally and seasonally (winter is always bad). The warmer drier wether of the last month around hear has perked me up and I got to reading some BPD psychology articles again. I stumbled on some information about dealing with you BPD mother and it struck a chord. I always thought I was the introverted strong silent type, but that never seemed quite right.
I think that the silence is a social anxiety that was caused by my mother. Somehow, since I identified it, it became worse. I can talk to people when it is needed but as soon as it moves on from need to just idle talk I start trembling and can barely spit out a word. (time since drinking alcohol does compound this issue but it's still there if not).
There are many other ways that I interact with the world that I am now realizing were all defined by my anti-social mother and relatives and it's a little shocking to me how pervasive it is... .
I hope this ramble makes sense
