What do you do when you have to face them again?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have been no contact since February. I don't talk to her and won't talk to her. However, June is the time of the year that our offices work closely together, so I will be seeing her more. Luckily, my boss (and coworkers) have been supportive of it (I have 8 witnesses that can describe her behavior). My coworkers get to run interference and interact with her, not me. My boss said that to protect me from her behavior, that he is fully supportive of this. However, I just bumped into her on campus and just the site of her freaked me out... .It has been about 30 minutes, but I am still a little shaky. I will see her a few times in June, even if I am not the one that interacts with her. How do you deal with that? What are some secrets? This girl stalked me, but tried to make me look like the crazy one.

[JaxWest]

I have been no contact since February. I don't talk to her and won't talk to her. However, June is the time of the year that our offices work closely together, so I will be seeing her more. Luckily, my boss (and coworkers) have been supportive of it (I have 8 witnesses that can describe her behavior). My coworkers get to run interference and interact with her, not me. My boss said that to protect me from her behavior, that he is fully supportive of this. However, I just bumped into her on campus and just the site of her freaked me out... .It has been about 30 minutes, but I am still a little shaky. I will see her a few times in June, even if I am not the one that interacts with her. How do you deal with that? What are some secrets? This girl stalked me, but tried to make me look like the crazy one.

[Pretty Woman]

Hi Jax,
   I haven't been put in this situation, fortunately, however I work with the sister of my ex and she has threatened my job.

When I see her I don't make eye contact. If she is headed for the elevator, I take the stairs (which is great exercise anyway If you are in a room with her, a meeting and you start to feel anxious, excuse yourself, go to the bathroom and recenter yourself. Deep breathing helps. In the nose, out the mouth. Take about five of those and return.

I had PTSD for awhile after my break up. Just seeing these people made me start to shake. I couldn't even attend our company Christmas party... .I started to hyperventilate.

Try to situate yourself next to people you can trust, who are supportive. If you don't have to go face to face, don't but if you do be cordial with a simple good morning or good afternoon.

You can do this.

Keep at the forefront of your mind, this job is your livelihood and more important than what you went through with her. Treat your job with the respect you gave her, treat it like a loving girlfriend. You work hard and you are rewarded with a paycheck... .benefits. Your co-workers and boss are on your side. All is good!

Deep breaths and as little contact as possible.

PW
 

[JaxWest]

Thanks for the support. I am trying to do that. Two of my coworkers/friends were with me when I went to the parking lot. They noticed I quickly left and texted me not to be scared, because they had my back. So many people have noticed the zaniness, so that helps. They know the situation, so they will not let me be alone with her or anything if they see her. I really just started shaking when I saw her. Never been that scared to see somebody before in such a bad way. She seemed to struggle talking to anybody, but now all of a sudden she is chipper and friendly when she sees my coworkers. If she would have been that normal before, I wouldn't have been in this situation.

[Idsrvt2]

My x is my letter carrier, we have seen each other a few weeks back I was heading out to counciling and there he was at the end of the driveway... .we have protection orders on each other because he filed a false one on me... .his boss is aware and after he walked in front of my car I reported it.
I'm like you when I see him... it's a ptsd reaction to my false protection order and how he said I was harassing him and not involved with him to his boss.

Best thing is to act like you don't see them as if they are just a stranger , if she harasses you in any way report to HR and your boss immediately... .I would suggest you travel with another coworker when you think you run the chances of seeing her that way she intvtry to talk and there is a witness.

I'm sorry you have to go thru this ... .these people are just not mentally well.

[blueblue12]

I am also in this journey, I am on LC as she calls me or texts me every now and then telling me how much she misses me and that I am the love of her life, this after been dumped brutally. I am also scared to see her and I really don't want to meet her, my birthday just passed and she tried all day to reach me, I avoided her, at the end she told me that she really wanted to have a drink with me to celebrate, I didn't reply, I did late at night, then she wanted to text late at night to talk about our situation. I am actually terrified to see her. I know I will end up badly... .

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Jaxwest,

Thanks for your post.  It's a really good question and one I don't profess to have an answer to.  I am wondering the same thing so am keen to also pick up any good tips from people on here.  I worry I will freeze or maybe even literally run.  Certain fight or flight will kick in, as is natural so I feel I'd like to prepare for this moment.  Good luck in steering clear of your ex.  I'm glad to hear you have supportive co workers.  That must make a big difference to feel some protective force around you.  I can also understand your concerns about seeing her without someone else there.  All I can really say right now is we must find a way to steel ourselves should this eventuality arise.  Do you have anything that makes you feel confident/lucky that you could fit into your pocket and grip for strength and grounding when you need it?  I'm doing a mindfulness refresher course at the moment and we focused on glass hearts for one of our exercises.  I decided to buy one and keep it with me to represent my self love and keep me in the present when my feelings become overwhelming.  Just an idea.  Best of luck finding a strategy that suits you and keep your head up high.  We will get through this. 

Love and light x

[pgri8684]

I have been no contact since February. I don't talk to her and won't talk to her. However, June is the time of the year that our offices work closely together, so I will be seeing her more.

It's just the same situation for me, except she came back on May 15th. We all know that our Exes are unpredictable. To my great relief, she ignores me. We are 25 meters away and she completely avoids the area where I work. I think I'm completely demonized. I hope this is definitive.
If I came face to face with her, I'll be polite but I do not intend to start talking

[JaxWest]

The weird thing with this one is that I never dated her. We hung out a few times, she kept coming up with excuses to stay behind with me. She asked my coworker about my dating life and etc, to the point that they all thought she was interested. I had a party, she was the last to leave again and I asked her out, she said she was getting back with the ex and it wouldn't be fair to him. So, weird... .Then, from that point on, the weird stuff happened. She was no longer getting back with the ex and she sought out my friends. Three days later, we were at trivia and she was all over me. A week later, she texted my coworker (the same one she asked about my dating life and same one that she knows I would have been watching the game with). She kept making excuses to be around me and invite herself to my things and try to be around my friends. When she was with my friends, she would talk about me. When she was with me, she acted like you would expect a very close friend or girlfriend to act. I asked her to talk again, because I was confused and then she gave me these weird answers and made me out to be crazy. So, I stopped inviting her to stuff again and a few weeks later she emailed me about work, even though the topic she was emailing me about had no business going through me.

So, she is not an ex, but she never treated me like just a friend and definitely not a colleague.

[JaxWest]

When I get nervous, I chew gum. I figure I will be chewing a lot of gum! I do have to present information to an audience, when she is in the next room. I am worried that my mind will be pre-occupied with that or something. I told my coworkers that they will be the ones that will interact with her, so I do not have to be around her. My boss and coworkers are fine with that.

[iluminati]

Well, since your job knows the situation, try to keep contact to a minimum.  After that, I'd keep it real monotone.  Just stick to your job, and if she does anything unusual, just turn and go to your boss.  Don't pass Go.  Don't collect $200.  Don't let there be anything questionable.

[Patusito]

I had to see my ex by accident in the streets. Don't try to look at her and treat her as air. If you have to confront her treat  her politely as a complete stranger. After all that's what she is. You never really knew her...