Xw really did change

[bus boy]

So, I know I'm way past this kind of painful thinking and am on the moving stright ahead path but it is difficult to see how Xw did an about face in her life. Xw never wanted a life with me, never wanted children with me, never said anything comforting or reassuring, in fact told me our marriage meant nothing to her and wasn't afraid to divorce me 3 days after we married. I was a good dedicated family man, I had a bad emotional breakdown and a go at the booze but that was 10 years ago. Xw never treated us like a good solid r/s always kept us on unstable grounds. One time I worked late, I did what it took, we were on good solid ground money wise, I did my day job than hauled a load of saw logs to the mill after work, a 5 hour round trip, I got home at 1am and no supper was set aside, I didn't expect it but the way I was brought up it was what my mom did, set a plate aside, Xw like to make double sure something was not set aside. When I got home Xw met me in the kitchen, my heart was all aglow, she never did this before, never asked about my day or trip or anything, I was treated like trash you cast aside, when she met me she said your late and went back to bed and of course no supper. Now she is the other way with my replacement. I love family events, BBQ, cooking, anything family related and Xw knew it. She did everything in her power to keep my family at finger tip length and so cruel and cold discarded my and opened her life and my son to a stranger. It's painful for my heart and confusing for my brain. I'm over her but I feel I will be carrying the pain for a long time of why wasn't I good enough to have a family with. I am treated like a man who abandon his family and my replacement steeped in to fulfill the roll of father and man in s10's life, a roll Xw gladly portrays me as and a roll my replacement gladly plays. It's all so bizarre, I have never let Xw down but she has such low expectations of me like I'm some kind of a dead beat and in the past 2 years she has gotten absolutely worse and get BF is of the same mind set about me. So bizarre, I'm an exemplary father, the lady at family court said she wishes more fathers were like me. Any how this is my struggle in life.

[Teereese]

  bus boy, your xw sounds a lot like my xh.

xh seems to have changed with replacement. However, looking way back, he was the same way with me, in the beginning.

I actually hope he did change and it sticks. He was miserable. He had been in and out of therapy since childhood with no relief.

We have children together and they deserve a dad instead of a father.

The only time he has contacted them in the last year has been to manipulate or cause them emotional hurt, so I am guessing the change is mainly to maintain his new r/s with gf and her child.

Either way, it really doesn't matter to me. I became his parent and his trigger. We are both better off where we are now, with no contact.

I am still working to become my prior self, working out why I chose a partner with BPD and forgiving myself for all that ensued over the last 25+ years in that r/s.