Adopted from China, diagnosed age 19

[5onbeach]

My 20yo daughter was diagnosed June 2016, last year w BPD after her first suicide attempt. She has had 3 more hospitalizations since (self harm). She exacerbated fast over 10mo. After 4 hosp, she got 30d DBT at RTC IN LA. She is now finishing 30d sober living. Her PHP environment has 14 clients, 12 of which are primariy diagnosis of chemical dependency (heroine). She has exacerbated BPD with marijuana, xanax and alcohol use but clearly sees NO connection with other clients and feels misplaced. She does not identify as an 'addict'. She is soon to be moving reluctantly to sober living for women in town and feels I have abandoned her.

She is adopted and I am divorced. She was otherwise a great student in a structured high school program with cheerleading, diving, and violin. She failed her first year of college.

I have read the essential family guide to BPD and keeping for reference. I attend al-anon, tele-conference 5 BPD sessions with parents, do family therapy weekly. I know I can't change her belief in feeling abandoned as most BPD but it is hard to not be enabling but loving. Any good parent BPD support groups in Santa Barbara area? Any similar parents with diagnosis at age 19yo? Any parents with adopted BPD children from China?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi 5onbeach and welcome to bpdfamily 

I'm so sorry you are going through this with your daughter, that's a tough year you've been through - as you'll read many members are in similar situations and understand, you are not alone.   I'm glad you've reached out for support and hope the family therapy and the learning you are doing provides some comfort.

Your DD not identifying as an addict, I'm not sure my 28DD did/does - she self medicated with alcohol and once diagnosed BPD filled that emotional space with meds and DBT. She did attend alcohol counselling though said DBT was much more useful for her. Your DD's been through a lot I hope she settles at the sober home, how long will she be there?

Small gentle steps.

WDx

[Maiasmama2000]

I am new here, and I am not in Santa Barbara, so I don't think I can offer much practical help, but I can commiserate with you as my DD with BPD traits is also adopted from China. She is 17. We have experienced problems all along, and have sought help from many therapists both for her and for the family as a whole, and while we've had some notable successes (i.e. her attachment is much more secure than it was when she was a toddler; she has meds now that help to moderate some of the rage), and while she will graduate high school with an excellent average and scholarship, she is in no way ready to take on the challenges of independent adult living and she is lonely, miserable, and in great pain. Meanwhile, we struggle to find therapists with training in this area where we live. Already we travel more than 2 hours to see her psychiatrist. (I am in Canada). It is very hard and confusing.

She does not have an official dx of BPD but she fits the criteria. Binge eating out of control, abandonment/ rejection fears (now focused on peers, not parents), rages and emotional lability, suicidal threats, gender dysphoria, etc. etc.

I am sorry I do not have anything concrete to offer. But I hope you are able to find the support you need.