Tired of Feeling Alone

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Desperate. I thought when my sisters & I were grown and had our own lives that it would be better, but it's worse. So much worse and it doesn't ever get any better. I'm tired of "taking one for the family." Over & over pushing my pain & hurt down so she can stay appeased. But she never does. And now? We're about to go on a 12 hour road trip. It's a disaster that siting to happen but it appears to be unavoidable. (Long story. It always is.) I need to feel hope & some guidance for keeping the peace while still protecting myself.

[Lynn18]

Desperate. I thought when my sisters & I were grown and had our own lives that it would be better, but it's worse. So much worse and it doesn't ever get any better. I'm tired of "taking one for the family." Over & over pushing my pain & hurt down so she can stay appeased. But she never does. And now? We're about to go on a 12 hour road trip. It's a disaster that siting to happen but it appears to be unavoidable. (Long story. It always is.) I need to feel hope & some guidance for keeping the peace while still protecting myself.

[Emotions]

You are not alone! You are probably an awesome person, so remember to focus on YOUR thoughts while you are with who you are talking about. They might say some pretty nasty and depressing things, but what they are saying is one perspective out of thousands. Take it with a grain of salt and focus on some positive thoughts. What I am saying doesn't help that much so if you need more lemme know I will type more. Good luck and stay focused on the good of life

[ciaocaramia]

Thank you for sharing! My life with a mother with BPD traits and a family who invalidates my experience with their own denial has been extremely crazy making for me and has left me isolated to defend myself alone. After years of trying to get everyone to "see", help me, and do something about it I have finally (after 7 years) exhausted myself seeing that I have only further damaged my sense of self, self esteem, and driven myself further into isolation from my family. My father is also an alcoholic so as I reached a place of desperation I began going to Alanon. The program has taught me across the board with my family, particularly with my mother with BPD traits, that I have choices to acknowledge my feelings of hurt as my human right (even it's only me there to acknowledge them), I can choose to protect myself from further hurt either with a "therapeutic separation" - limiting how much time I spend with her/them - and choosing not to open my heart up to them to receive something they can't give and to a degree that will hurt me. The only thing I have control over now is my own steps to recovery. It's painfully sad and lonely. I don't feel like I have family. But I have my husband and my higher power. And after all these years, I am finally ready to take all the energy I've invested in trying to justify myself and fix a situation that isn't mine to fix and put it towards finding intimacy with my husband and a community of friends that will be family to me. I wish you all the serenity and courage in the world on your own journey.

[Pina colada]

Folks with BPD/NPD are so skilled at manipulation, crazy making and can be just plain mean.  I think it is always best to ignore although when in a car that will be hard.  I know when I choose to ignore my BPD sister being mean she doesn't let it go.  She hates to be ignored I suppose but I really don't know what goes on in her head.  Just know it is them, not us.  It is hard to deal with personality disordered individuals but protecting yourself needs to be first and foremost.  Oh, and you are not alone.  We all come here for a reason.  Take care!