Scared to get treatment

[Birdie27]

I have been in a relationship for a year now. I was single for four years and did alot of therapy for substance addiction before I met him. I thought I was stable enough for a serious relationship. At first I was fine, but about a month in, I started feeling the insecurity and jealousy. I would hide it and wait for it to pass. Well, it's gotten out of control. I'm pregnant and we plan on getting married, but I cannot handle the constant emotional rollercoaster. I am delusionaly jealous. I check his phone, look where hes looking in public to see if hes checking out other women, and i even changed my job- with a huge pay decrease- because i would get so stressed that he'd watch open and/or masturbate and lose interest in sex with me. Now I'm misreading non-existent signals from him. If he talks about work or doing something that doesn't include me, I immediately feel like I'm going to be abandoned. I just so badly for 15 or 20 minutes then I decide I have to leave him. I believe it's the only way to stop the pain. This happens multiple times a day. I think I need help but I'm terrified that I'll let my guard Down, he will cheat on me. Or that if I start to trust and allow more freedom in our relationship, I won't be able to handle it and it will hurt worse than it does now. Any ideas or advice would help. And please, if you've experienced something like this in a relationship, share with me. I feel so alone having to hide this from him.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[naguma]

Most of the advice on the internet says you can not get help outside of therapy.
The way this seems to work best is if you find a couples therapist who understands both you and him and does not take sides. It may take a couple tries. That therapist can then recommend an individual therapist for both you and your boyfriend(?).
The problem with skipping directly to the individual therapist is they often take sides and make matters worse for everyone. Many therapists are not good at dealing with these types of situations even if they have the certification. A good couples therapist will probably know good individual therapists. And then they can work together.

You have to be honest with the therapist, otherwise it is a waste.

Good insurance helps. When I was paying out of pocket, it was $120 per session and weekly. Now that I have decent insurance it is only $20 per visit. Try to find a way please, if nothing else but for the sake of your child.

[Meili]

Birdie27

I can certainly relate to being irrationally jealous when I was with my uBPDexgf.

What happened recently that makes you think that he suffers from BPD?