I feel for you, and I know how extremely difficult to work with an ex, let alone one who is BPD.
Looking back alot of my recycles were exactly what you just experienced. An innocent conversation turns into let's hang out, to acting like a couple. The other thing in common is that my ex would also bring up an ex boyfriend and how special he was to her. We would break up go NC to LC and then the cycle would repeat.
t's easy to get caught up thinking this time around would be different. ... never was.
Thank you Rayban, I always find it comforting I'm not alone in this. The thing is, somewhere deep down I knew it wasn't going to be different. It was hope. Why do we have hope? I choose to ignore some things I felt deep down - like I didn't trust him- once again. Why ain't I listening to my gut? I see the cycle. I see the things he does. I mean, I predicted this - everything that has happened. I can't be surprised. I know him so well. But is does hurt.
How did you stop the cycles?
He actually acts like nothing happened now, totally back to behaviour before the cycle. He is LC with me at this point. Like, I walked out on him and that was it. No more talks etc, I still can't wrap my head around that, but I know that's how it works. He didn't leave me this time but I left him. That must be a different dynamic.
He is pretty high functioning. And has a replacement ready. Don;t know who she is but it matches his behaviour.
I My advice get back to doing what you were doing before. Don't let you're work suffer. The recycle happened cause he sensed you were moving forward without him. Show him you could do it again.
You didn't sleep with him. This is just more confirmation that you're life going forward is without him.
That's one thing I'm proud of, I walked away. I did not sleep with him. I deserve more and have too much respect for myself. I just wished he'd respect me more. But I realize that it has to come from ME. I can make me happy. He only wants me when he thinks he can't have me. He hates to lose an attachement. And I do think I meant a lot to him as he seems to push/ pull me harder than others before/ after me. It's really sad. He told me I could see right through him and he wondered why I'm still here. And how it scared him. But then again... .I really try to look at his actions. I've read it here a lot and in this situation, where I walked away, I see his actions don't match his words. The shame-part is also a really big thing with him. It's like he's hiding now too. It always looks like he is this though guy from the street, but with me he is this sweet little boy.
I'm sorry, i keep rambling... .Just feels good to write it down and to be heard.
XOXO
