New member here. Trying to understand what happened to my entire life.

[meleepool]

Hi all,

I'm turning 40 this year (so is the first STAR WARS movie!), and only recently I have started to learn about BPD. All my life I have been having "issues" with my mother, and now I am beginning to see everything that drove the relationship between me and my mother was because of her BPD.

Although I haven't had any consultations or sought advice from mental health professionals yet, my wife and I are 99.9 percent certain that my mother is the Hermit-Witch type BPD mother. We'd read a couple of books (Stop Waking on Eggshells, Understanding the Borderline Mother) so far, and still searching for more information online on a daily basis.

It's been only two months since my wife and I first came across the idea of my mother could be a BPD person, so everything is very new to us. We talk about it every day, sometimes for several hours without stopping. We are still unsure what benefit could come out of whatever ordeal it is that we're going through, but we do know this: My mother is making a living hell out of our lives.

Anyways, I'm definitely going to take time, bookmark the community forum, and keep coming back to read everything here. I'm actually excited.

Cheers and God bless.

[ciaocaramia]

Thanks for sharing. My husband and I came to this same conclusion in 2010 after an awful attack/explosion my mom had on me. We've been talking about it for hours at a time ever since. Now that it has been 7 years I have come to the awareness that even though I've developed strict boundaries with my mom and have almost no contact anymore, she still lives in our marriage. It has become an obsession. I think it is my way of staying emotionally connected to my family b/c without them and their approval I have no identity and no coping skills to create real connection. It's ruining the intimacy in our marriage because I am so focused on her and getting my family to "see" while my husband is so focused on helping me deal with her that we don't focus on each other and I'm not focusing on his needs. Understanding, healing, managing emotions around impact of boundary setting, and establishing new identity is one thing... .trying to fix, change, or blame yourself for the cause of the problems through obsessive thinking and control is just addiction/co-dependency which will make you very sick and will go nowhere. This has been my story and I wish I could go back and warn my former self!

[KDRedfox]

Hi. I too am starting to figure out what my mother has and trying to work through it in therapy and with my husband who is a mental health professional who deals with people like her on a daily basis.

Her visit last week was a disaster! I kicked her out of the house after a particularly nasty outburst of rage where she completly crossed many lines, my husband told me he was done and will never allow her to step foot in our house again. I don't blame him one bit. I don't want her near me most of the time,  even less now. I have not called her since she left and I don't want to either.

My biggest problem is that horrible guilt I've been conditioned to.  She's my mother. I should love her, I should make amends and apologize first,  I'm the better person, blah blah blah. My head will not quit trying to reason with me.

Anyway, I'm sure you know what i mean. The point is I'm right here with you as we try and figure it out and I'm glad that I'm not alone.