one year anniversary of the break up

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi gang,

It's been one year since my ex and I have broken up. I've been kind of low level anxious and depressed lately (waking up early, etc).and I wonder if it is linked to this one year mark. Have any of you all had that?

[kc sunshine]

Hi gang,

It's been one year since my ex and I have broken up. I've been kind of low level anxious and depressed lately (waking up early, etc).and I wonder if it is linked to this one year mark. Have any of you all had that?

[Circle]

Hi,
Yeah; it's about a year for-real, for me also.
Of course, there were recycles prior to that.
Have done the early wake-ups before.
Taking an anti-depressant helped me through that.
And, it stabilized the anxiety for me.
Just decided I had done more than my share of suffering, and that I needed
some help with things.
If you can get counseling too, that's helpful also.
Hang in there; you are on the right track.
Keep on keepin' on

[kc sunshine]

Thanks Circle!

Keep on keepin on is right--one foot in front of the other. I'll hold onto that thought today.

I'm working hard to not check her social media-- I haven't for like a month, but now the urge is strong.

[Circle]

Yeah, I guess you are the one who knows what is best for you.
I'm not an absolutist, so that kind of thing doesn't work for me.
Glad you are making it through the day.
 

[kc sunshine]

you mean you are not an absolutist about things like social media?

Yeah, I guess you are the one who knows what is best for you.
I'm not an absolutist, so that kind of thing doesn't work for me.
Glad you are making it through the day.
 

[Circle]

Yes. I try to be. I just lack the necessary willpower.

[Grey Kitty]

I'm working hard to not check her social media-- I haven't for like a month, but now the urge is strong.

Technology is your friend, and your backup for your willpower.

Unfriend, unfollow, or block her on social media. Make it take a lot of effort to check up on her or contact her, as a way of assisting yourself when you know it is hard.

One member deleted all her ways of contacting her ex, and found a place in her diary where she had written about how horribly he had just treated her, something that had her in tears and falling apart. She wrote his phone number right next to that, so that if she wanted to call him, she had to re-read that first and remember the dangers first.

OTOH, if/when you manage to detach you will be 'safe'. Seeing the occasional mention of her or her activities on social media, won't through you for a loop, suddenly anxious, depressed, ruminating, or wanting to recycle even though you know it is a horrible idea.

Until you believe you have that strength, better to keep yourself from being exposed.

[roberto516]

The social media part is interesting. I blocked her on it because I never want to see anything from her. It will destroy me. But we do have some mutual friends, and I don't want to risk seeing a photo come up, etc. So what did I do? I stopped going on social media.

I did for a couple reasons. 1 is what I mentioned above. 2 was because I don't want her to have any idea of what I'm doing. I don't need to play the petty game of posting how happy I am and all the places I am going because if I'm doing a part of it to have someone relay that message to her then I am not healing.

3. I realize social media is just one big narcissist central now. And I DON'T MISS IT! I feel so much more peace not seeing that people are down the shore, going on trips, eating at this and this place, or a picture of their kid for the 1 millionth time. I know it wasn't the original idea of the post, but when I didn't go on social media for fear of seeing things about her it turned into this 3rd point. I feel like I'm breaking not just the addiction to her, but also to social media.

[Circle]

"3. I realize social media is just one big narcissist central now. And I DON'T MISS IT! I feel so much more peace not seeing that people are down the shore, going on trips, eating at this and this place, or a picture of their kid for the 1 millionth time. I know it wasn't the original idea of the post, but when I didn't go on social media for fear of seeing things about her it turned into this 3rd point. I feel like I'm breaking not just the addiction to her, but also to social media."-Roberto516

^^ Yes, this makes perfect sense. I agree; and did catch a news item on npr a while back based on research findings at a university, that found f.b. use diminishes well-being from pre-login, to post-logout. I have found the same thing to be true for me.