vulnerability hangover?

[ainteasybeinggreen]

Hey all,

Thanks for reading this and hope y'all are doing as well as possible.

I met up with a new acquaintance today and am feeling what Brene Brown would call an vulnerability hangover. I have a mom uBPD and sister w/diagnosed BPD. The topic of family came up (ugh) and she asked me random questions—one of which led to me sharing that I was only close with my dad and not my mother. After persistent badgering and her not taking my social cues, I finally said that both my mom and sister have BPD and that I didn't want to talk about it.

She suddenly starting bursting in tears which 100% threw me off guard. She said she had never cried in front of a stranger before upon meeting someone for the first time and that she had a daughter who was exhibiting similar symptoms. After she cried, there was awkward silence so I begrudgingly started mentioning details about life with my estranged mother and sister.

Long story short, by the end of it, I felt like I had conveyed so much more than I initially wanted to (this acquaintance I met with is also related to a current living situation right now that I need to positively maintain). By the end of it she said that she "wasn't sure why I was telling her all of this" but she was glad that I did.

I walked away feeling... .actually a little manipulated. I didn't want to talk about my family but her persistent badgering: "that's so *interesting* that you're close to only your dad?" led to me sharing so much more than I wanted to.

I am not sure why, but several hours later, I am still sitting here feeling... .yucky. I typically only share this level of stuff with friends who I know are trustworthy and I have built some kind of rapport with.

There's nothing I can really do now after the fact, but I just feel so... .spotlighted, I guess. It's like I want to be able to freely share my story but without those necessary building steps of mutual rapport it just feels... .not so great.

Can anyone relate/have any insight? I am majorly feeling a vulnerability hangover. Thanks. 

[ainteasybeinggreen]

I've had a lil more time to process this—I think the main reason it feels so bad is that it's like a meta-form of manipulation. Talking about 2 people who I am estranged from/have felt much manipulation from and then feeling additional manipulation about feeling pressured to talk about it.

Ugh... .

[Kwamina]

Hi ainteasybeinggreen

I can see how this situation could make you feel so uncomfortable. You have posted before about how difficult you find it when people ask you about your family and how judgmental people can be. This was also a person you don't really know at all so you don't know if you can really trust her. Her bursting out in tears also isn't an easy to thing to deal with and when you add all these things up, I can definitely understand you feeling uncomfortable.

Looking back at this experience, do you still feel like she was 'badgering' you or perhaps more that because it's a sensitive topic, any questions about this might make you tense up?

After she cried, there was awkward silence so I begrudgingly started mentioning details about life with my estranged mother and sister.

Did she also share details about her daughter with you or were you the only one doing any sharing?