Boundaries

[elqatorial]

I think it is important to remember that people who suffer from BPD symptoms are not "BPDs" (e.g., "my BPD partner". It is a set of symptoms and behaviours the person struggles with. Labelling someone with something that implies it is who they are, can be very harmful. We talk about valued boundaries, this might want to be part of one's values too. Boundary violators can be anyone, regardless of whether they struggle with a mental illness or not. Many people who suffer from BPD symptoms have got very good boundaries, and also practice keeping those valued boundaries with people who violate them. Labelling and generalisations are insensitive to any minority population.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

You are absolutely correct. One of the things we talk about on this board is making sure that we do not see our significant others as projects. We want to make sure we communicate with them in a way that is compassionate, direct, authentic, and addresses their specific behavior, not just putting a label on them.

At the same time, many who come to this board are hurt and frustrated with their relationship. They are looking for help and in their hurt may say, believe, think things that do put their pwBPD in a box. Our duty here is to help them out of that narrowed thinking so they can begin to find hope and life in their relationship again.

Can you tell us a little more about your situation. What brings you to this board?