BPD Dating At Work

[kramer598]

Hello I wanted to get everyone's thoughts on Boarderlines Dating and making friends at work. If the borderline is an attractive single woman, is she comfortable dating or hooking up with people at work? My thought is that it would be very easy for them to make friends and socialize at work, especially happy hours. However I feel like the constant fear of what people think would only amplify if they started dating around the office. What do people know about me? What did the person I hooked up with share with others? Why is he talking to that woman and not me... ect.

[roberto516]

It seems to be my exes MO. And im sure her new person will be from the place she works now. Bet my life savings on it.

[vaztek2003]

Its funny this was brought up cause I swear I saw her boss yesterday drive by my job in his truck, which she loved... .as soon as I saw that I immediately thought of how she used to bring me by spots she had a connection to (we met at my job) and one time we ran into her ex while driving and she quickly hid under the seat/dash area. Mind you her boss used to text her flirting with her and she would play along at work with sexual innuendos (cause she was only being friendly, she said) to the point where he once asked her to go ___ in the parking lot... .so now all thats been running through my head is if she is somehow with him now, since he was going through a divorce... .though she told me she really believed she was into girls during our breakup text. Its what sucks about the ST she gave me... .so many different scenarios running through my head... .why cant they just be honest about things and actually converse instead of just shutting down.

[Rayban]

Dating a coworker is touchy in general, add BPD to the mix and it's a disaster in the making.  I speak from experience.  You get a birds eye view of flirting with other people right in front of you. 

If things go wrong they will turn you out to be the crazy person.  You don't want to be on the receiving end of a smear campaign.  Make no mistake you will have no idea what they are telling other people even when you're together.

[roberto516]

Dating a coworker is touchy in general, add BPD to the mix and it's a disaster in the making.  I speak from experience.  You get a birds eye view of flirting with other people right in front of you. 

If things go wrong they will turn you out to be the crazy person.  You don't want to be on the receiving end of a smear campaign.  Make no mistake you will have no idea what they are telling other people even when you're together.

She dated a coworker before me. He went on medical leave for Lyme's disease and didn't come back. Part of it was probably the trauma he suffered. I have a strong feeling he ended it because she didn't care at all about his disease. Anyway, everyone she spoke to believed this guy was a psycho. Maybe he was in some ways but the more I put it together I can see why he reacted the way she told me he did at times. As I said, she has no social life so her next guy is coming from her new job. Maybe for some it's the only avenue they have to find someone after they kind of feel them out to see if they are a good fit.

[vaztek2003]

Roberto you mentioned no social life outside of work... .wonder if that describes all BPD's. My ex basically has no life outside... .its practically Home, Work, School. If I ever planned anything it would always fall through... .we basically went out when she decided(Huge red flag I missed, but she blamed on depression). She only had 3 old friends when I met her and that number dwindled down to 1 because 1 has a boyfriend and barely spoke with her unless she had issues, while the other works with one of her exes and she dared to bring up past events so she cut her off, well at least till the moment I was discarded she was still in no contact with her. The only "friend" remaining lives a state over and she barely see's and will reply to her like 3 days later... .she doesnt actually like her and would constantly complain about her to me but still hung out with her. She always hated the fact she didnt actually have friends and everybody loved me... .

[roberto516]

Roberto you mentioned no social life outside of work... .wonder if that describes all BPD's. My ex basically has no life outside... .its practically Home, Work, School. If I ever planned anything it would always fall through... .we basically went out when she decided(Huge red flag I missed, but she blamed on depression).

Yeah she immersed herself in yoga. She had one friend who she hung out with sometimes. Her only friends were really her parents. But yeah, every time I tried to make a plan she'd always bail or want to change the plans. Or if we did it she showed no interest at all. Well she did in the beginning. During idealization. After that it was all over. Should have paid attention to the warning signs.

[Rayban]

If you're not with her 24 hours a day, you don't know what she's doing on the side. Yoga classes, softball, painting class.  If she's capable to seduce in the workplace, she's capable to seduce anywhere. 

Add online dating sites, and you've got a BPD who will request a break for a few weeks while she's out with somone else. You can label them as being of the hermit variety, but honestly look back, and you'll see how you ran into exes apart from who she "dated" at work

[kramer598]

Thank you everyone for responding. I don't want to sound like a horrible person, but I really want her to crash and burn after what she did to me. Most of her friends distanced themselves from her after hearing she lied and cheated on me. Confirms my thinking that she has a new dude at work and is making new friends with her coworkers... .but clearly not processing what she has done or what she has lost.