BPD and staring?

[JaxWest]

So, during the month of June, I am pushed back into contact with the BPD for work. The girl just stares at me now. It is just creeping me out. I am in the room beside where her office stays during the summer and she just continuously looks into the room and stares at me. Anybody else experience this?

[HopinAndPrayin]

She just continuously looks into the room and stares at me. Anybody else experience this?

So... .it depends on the type of stare you're getting. 

In a word, yes, but my STBXHwBPD is co-morbid ASPD / NPD.  According to our marriage therapist who specializes in PD individuals, this is a sympton of sociopathy.  It's called the sociopath stare.  It if feels menacing, empty, evil and glaring, it's a sign of PD, but not necessarily of BPD.

If yours is more a classic BPD and you're not seeing the glaring, it may be dissociation.

[JaxWest]

So... .it depends on the type of stare you're getting. 

In a word, yes, but my STBXHwBPD is co-morbid ASPD / NPD.  According to our marriage therapist who specializes in PD individuals, this is a sympton of sociopathy.  It's called the sociopath stare.  It if feels menacing, empty, evil and glaring, it's a sign of PD, but not necessarily of BPD.

If yours is more a classic BPD and you're not seeing the glaring, it may be dissociation.

To be honest, I am not sure how to describe it. It feels like an empty glare... .The way she looks, I honestly feel a little concerned for my safety. My coworker noticed it yesterday. My coworker was behind me and she looked behind us and there she was staring at me from within the room. I kind of think she may not have BPD and has something else like dissociation or even something more severe... I know there is something right with her, but not sure what.

[Kinglychee1928]

My exBPD stares quite often at work as well. Sometimes even he would turn his head to continue with the staring as I walk pass by, to the point other co workers started to notice and asked questions. My therapist suggested that he might want attention and wanted me to prompt "what are you looking at?" In order to just get a conversation going, positive or negative. Sometimes the stares are like pining, sometimes is empty, sometimes is glaring, depending on his mood of the day. It's very uncomfortable for me to say the least. But I just keep on ignoring.

[stimpy]

Yes, I've experienced this, through a friend of mine.

After I refused to re-engage with her after the discard, she would turn up to events that I was on (like organised walks and so on) and would turn up but not talk to me, what I called stalking without talking. Well I spent one walk talking to a female friend of mine, and this friend told me afterwards that twice, she caught my ex staring at her, like a glassy, empty stair, kind of cold. When my friend told me, I was quite unnerved, but it started to confirm my suspicions about my ex... .that she had a PD.

I think now it may have been dissociation, and she just couldn't handle that I would move on after her discard, rather than chase after her, like she wanted.

[JaxWest]

Yes, I've experienced this, through a friend of mine.

After I refused to re-engage with her after the discard, she would turn up to events that I was on (like organised walks and so on) and would turn up but not talk to me, what I called stalking without talking. Well I spent one walk talking to a female friend of mine, and this friend told me afterwards that twice, she caught my ex staring at her, like a glassy, empty stair, kind of cold. When my friend told me, I was quite unnerved, but it started to confirm my suspicions about my ex... .that she had a PD.

I think now it may have been dissociation, and she just couldn't handle that I would move on after her discard, rather than chase after her, like she wanted.

That could be the same with this one. She just scares me... .Her coworker is now making a point to talk to me, which I found odd and suspicious. Her coworker and (close friend) wants to go to lunch with my coworker all of a sudden. I don't know if that is coincidence or a tactic they have. I just know she stares at me. Her coworker popped into the room I was working to make a point to talk. In all of the time I have been here, nobody has done that for these events. I honestly have never been as afraid of somebody as I have with this one, including the first BPD I dated a few years ago. I would literally hug that one before I will be in the room with this one. I just have absolutely no trust for her. Other people have noticed the stare she gives me too. I have a meeting with a counselor next week and am  going to talk about restraining orders, if it gets to that point.

[stimpy]

That could be the same with this one. She just scares me... .Her coworker is now making a point to talk to me, which I found odd and suspicious. Her coworker and (close friend) wants to go to lunch with my coworker all of a sudden. I don't know if that is coincidence or a tactic they have. I just know she stares at me. Her coworker popped into the room I was working to make a point to talk. In all of the time I have been here, nobody has done that for these events. I honestly have never been as afraid of somebody as I have with this one, including the first BPD I dated a few years ago. I would literally hug that one before I will be in the room with this one. I just have absolutely no trust for her. Other people have noticed the stare she gives me too. I have a meeting with a counselor next week and am  going to talk about restraining orders, if it gets to that point.

Yes, to find someone staring at you, whatever the context is unnerving, and if the stare has a malicious undercurrent, then it is hard to forget about. I do not fear that my ex will do anything dangerous, she completely disappeared about a year ago. But I did ask her to leave me alone, stop turning up at events and so on. In a work situation, it is very difficult to know how to proceed, I wish you well whatever action or indeed non-action you feel appropriate.

[vanx]

Personally, my ex did tend to stare a lot. I assumed she was trying to read me because I know it made her uncomfortable at times to not be able to read my thoughts and emotions.
I guess it's good boundary practice? It sounds hokey, but sometimes it helps me to visualize an actual force field or barrier around myself protecting me. She's gonna do her thing, but you have the strength and power to remain separate and protected. But yeah, she always stared at me, followed by a lot of attempted mind reading. I work with my ex too. In some ways it is harder, but you deserve to remove yourself from her behavior. Hang in there!

[JaxWest]

A few people have thought that she may be autistic, but I don't think that is the case.

[JaxWest]

The autistic argument doesn't make sense to me. If that were the case, it would seem like she would do that for all people, or at least more than just me. In this case, she is locked onto me when she does the weird things and displays odd behavior. She is stalking me. I have come to terms with that part.

[IsThisThingOn]

Hi all,

My uBPDx would often stare at me through out our relationship.  So, I guess not necessarily in the same context as this post was intended, however, I always did find it intriguing.

If she was in one of her seething moments I'd find her staring at me with that blank empty stare that ate straight into my soul. It was pure disgust and... .I dont even know... .just menacing.  Other times when she had me up on her pedestal it was a stare that felt like it was reaching straight into my soul. It was like she was searching for something or maybe just observing me?  I look back now and realize those moments were usually ones after we'd had a bad day(s) and now it was like I was this glowing angel in her eyes... .but in reality, I think she was trying to read whether or not I'd forgotten all about the terrible crap she had just said and done and was back to being fully invested in her and in us. If that makes sense?

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