How Serious is BPD?

[Liona]

Hi Everyone!

I have a dilema and I need some assistance.

How do I speak with my niece about my sister who suffers from BPD?  And how do I talk to her mother about her?  I have not really looked into it and I get tired of my sisters "episodes" as she calls them.  How serious is this illness?

Here is someting I found that she wrote,

"My mom and I used to be very close when I was a little girl she gave me so much love and hugs and kisses and would tell me all my baby stories at night before I went to bed.  We would watch the Cooking channel and I would pretend to be her waitress and would cook all my inventions and she would eat them and tell me that someday I would be a famous TV celebrity chef teaching people how to make my delicous recipes, because she knew I loved cooking and I wanted to be an actress and a teacher.   She was my hero.  As I got older I began to realize there was something wrong with my mom.  She became meaner and meaner.  I lived on and off with her begining at the age of eleven, this was after she set herself on fire during one of the hundreds of fights her and my stepfather had.  She spent a month in the hospital's burn unit... .and I was sent to live with my dad because CPS was contacted.  I never liked living with him and I was sad and scared and lonely.  I loved my mommy so much and I missed her and for the first time ever I too wanted to die.  I blamed myself for her being in the hospital because she was so angry that I had called my aunt to come and get me.  I went back home at thirteen and things just got worse.  I did not know how to deal with her and most of my family would only tell me they would call CPS because my mom was doing things to hurt me.  I did not want to lose her and I thought I could make her feel better, but I couldn't.  We had ugly fights and I wanted counseling but it was too expensive and her insurance didn't cover it, even though she got the best one and paid over 700.00 a month for it.  By the time I was 13, I was no longer happy and her and my stepfather divorced and I missed him so much, he brought me so much happiness.  Now I'm seventeen and I absolutely detest her.  I moved in with my dad last year August and I have a chance at a better and happier life with my dad- he lets me do pretty much whatever I want which is good because I'm not as close to him as I was with my mom.  But she still wants to control me and know what I am doing and where I am spending the night and tells me I have to earn my drivers license, because I'm disrespectful with her and my grades have gone down and my absencs, what does she care?  I don't live with her.   Can't she see how sick I am of her?  I don't trust her, she always threatens my job and has humiliated me in school after one of our many fights.  I can't wait to turn eighteen.  I love being free from her and all her chaos.  I don't want to miss her anymore.  Sometimes she calls and sends me text messages or will leave me a message because I don't want to talk to her and she acts so sad and thinks I need help.  I'm finally happy and free! I don't need counseling.  I feel like I've stopped loving her, and God stopped loving me."

[Kwamina]

Hi Liona and welcome to bpdfamily

I understand your concern for your niece, BPD is quite a difficult disorder and it really isn't easy for a child to have a parent with this disorder.

Here is someting I found that she wrote,

Where did you find this letter written by your niece?

I gather from the letter that her mother, your sister, got a counselor at some point. Is your sister still getting counseling? Has she been officially diagnosed with BPD?

I loved my mommy so much and I missed her and for the first time ever I too wanted to die

It is very sad that your niece felt this way. Do you perhaps know if she still struggles with these kinds of negative and/or suicidal thoughts?

To help you talk to your niece, I encourage you to take a look at some of the tools from one of our other boards (Co-Parenting):

Lesson 5: Raising Resilient Kids When a Parent Has BPD

What to tell kids about a high-conflict co-parent

TOOLS: The Power of Validating How Kids Feel

TOOLS: Child development and parents with mental illness

TOOLS: Helping our children deal with trauma

ARTICLE: Typical Reactions of Children to Divorce

I hope this helps.

Take care