Adult child of person with BPD distraught over continued abuse of minor siblings

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hello, I'm currently reading Stop Walking on eggshells but have known about my mother's personality disorder for a few years. Reading the book makes me feel empowered with knowledge but pessimistic about any future relationship. There's additional complexity as I realize just how unhealthy my childhood was because my siblings are still living in it at ages 9 & 13. I've already legally done everything I can, but CPS has been unable to find grounds for removal even though there is domestic violence (and physical violence against the kids), truancy, and emotional abuse. At the moment I'm working on empathy for my mother, support for the kids, and a long term plan for these relationships as my husband and I start a family of our own. Even though I can write out these things as facts and have distanced myself from the situation, personally I struggle with grief that I can't have better relationships with my family or go back to when I suffered but had their love.

[JavaScript]

Hello, I'm currently reading Stop Walking on eggshells but have known about my mother's personality disorder for a few years. Reading the book makes me feel empowered with knowledge but pessimistic about any future relationship. There's additional complexity as I realize just how unhealthy my childhood was because my siblings are still living in it at ages 9 & 13. I've already legally done everything I can, but CPS has been unable to find grounds for removal even though there is domestic violence (and physical violence against the kids), truancy, and emotional abuse. At the moment I'm working on empathy for my mother, support for the kids, and a long term plan for these relationships as my husband and I start a family of our own. Even though I can write out these things as facts and have distanced myself from the situation, personally I struggle with grief that I can't have better relationships with my family or go back to when I suffered but had their love.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi JavaScript! 

Welcome! I'm so glad you have joined us and that you've shared your first post with us.  Sounds like you are doing well with your reading of the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. The words on the pages can be so validating! Empowering is a great word to use to describe the help. It's great that your understanding is increasing, not only as to how a pwBPD is, but also how you have been affected. I too have suffered from the effects of having an uBPDm. How surprising to learn the depths of the impact upon us adult kids of a BPD parent. Have you taken a peek at the list on the right hand side here? -------> Any sentence you click on will open up to more info. Have you ever considered T to help you as you walk this recovery road? T has been so very helpful to me, life changing in fact.

I love that you are still concerned about your siblings and want to do all that you can. I am going to post a link for you which I've found helpful. It is a workshop, quite lengthy but full of wonderful tips on how to help your siblings. I've even found it helpful for myself as I try to take care of my unmet needs.

When Are The Children of a BPD Parent at Risk?

Take your time as you read it, but please note the helpful things you CAN do to help them.

Even though I can write out these things as facts and have distanced myself from the situation, personally I struggle with grief that I can't have better relationships with my family or go back to when I suffered but had their love.

Oh how well I understand this quote! As I began to step away from an unhealthy co-dependent relationship, I remember thinking that I was closer emotionally before I attempted to try and become healthy. It takes courage, dear one, and you will find yourself having more than you ever knew you had or needed. Find a good group of healthy people who can help to meet your emotional needs in healthy ways, and that will ease the pain of your loss. There is no replacement but rather the readjusting of our lives as you seek health and recovery. Keep going!


Wools