Help needed-GF went off Antidepressants- now she wants to leave me

[truthbeknown]

GF goes off Anti-depressants and starts acting like a PD (either NPD/BPD person)
  Here the wholes story.  It's long but I thought background would help.  I don't know what to do bc meds were involved?:

I met this woman 1 year ago through another person.  She was very outgoing and very social.  She is Jewish and even though I am I had never gone out with a Jewish woman for fear they were all like my Mother.  However, since my non-jewish exBPD relationship ended after being married for 20 years and having 4 kids, and several interim relationships failed I figured I'd give it a go.  Actually, to my surprise I was really drawn in by this ethnic matching so to speak.  She invited me to meet her at the Jewish community center in her town and I quickly realized she knew everybody (I call her "the Mayor".  I quickly was not only attracted to her physically (she's short and that's a weakness for me) but I loved that she was a social butterfly.  I had learned from past relationships that I like more extroverted women then introverted and thought this was a good sign.  She took me to many Jewish events and weddings and we danced were good activity partners together etc.  I loved it and felt like I was on the right track.

Honestly, everything was going smoothly for the first 6 months.  We only had one major incident at a restaurant one night.  I actually reacted to her saying, "you are probably going to want to leave me after that comment."  I reacted by saying " i just don't like it when you assume what i'm thinking so I would like it if you don't think for me."   I reacted to her projecting on me that I was automatically going to abandon her.  I knew this was my first real warning sign as far as emotional gaming but I called her the next day to talk and we met somewhere to talk.  At that time, she seemed to respond well to my talk with her.  I re-enforced that I wanted to be with her and that I wasn't mad at her but I also wanted her to think about how her comments could affect me.   Assuming that I'm going to leave when I'm totally in gaga land with her hurt my feelings and I communicated this.  After this she would say things like, "as we are getting closer, i'm not as sensitive to you re-directing me and telling me how you feel about things that I say."  I felt good about this response.  I also felt good that she would say, "my ex was addicted to drugs and even though he was an addict, I was there too and I'm sure I said and did things to make him crazy or push his buttons."  This self-proclaimed awareness and the fact that she was going to Al Anon meetings was keeping feeling like she was taking responsibility for her part of the equation.

I do feel like there were some issues with our sexual relations looking back.  She was afraid to have intercourse because she felt like that would mean we were super committed to each other and she wanted to just play and take things slowly she claimed.  However, eventually she came to visit me when I was out of town (on the way back from visiting my kids) and we crossed this barrier.  When we did it seemed like she was bonding with me more and getting more relaxed with me.

Fast forward to the winter and I had lost my job and was unable to pass a board exam to get me back into my designated career field.  As I was struggling in this area she kept asking me to take her out and I couldn't afford to treat as the man is expected to do.  However, I felt like we were past the initial courting or dating phase and had entered into relationship zone if you will.  I might have been mistaken?

Several other significant things happened.  1.She started weaning off anti-depressants that she was on.
2. she started driving to kids events with her ex versus just showing up by herself.   and 3. her mom met a man at synagogue and started to include him as a family member.   This caused her to start using him to go to activities instead of me when I didn't have money to go.  One night there was an event that I couldn't afford to go to and he was invited.  Afterwards, there was a party back at a hotel where the performer (her friend) was staying.  She invited him back there and did not call me and say, "hey do you want to meet us at the after event party?"  She later blamed this on her parents and the fact that everyone was invited back to hotel and so he came.  I have heard from mutual friends and even her that there is not a Romantic interest with this gentleman and I believe it.  However, she is doing what my ex wife had done- using someone else even as a friend to replace me or take my spot.   I think she didn't like it that I confronted her about this but I merely stated my feelings (using Non Violent communication) and stated that i felt hurt that I wasn't included.   

She continued to wean off the anti-depressants and in feb was off of them.  I Started to see her attitudes toward me change.  She was not calling or reaching out to me as much (she used to call me quite often) and I felt like she was punishing me because I didn't have money to take her out or treat her. 
Her mom is very NPD and I feel that she started listening to what her mom was telling her.  I also thought that this man she was befriending was coaching her to not date a guy who didn't have money- this was later confirmed by her calling me up when i was out of town to see my kids and telling me that she had something important she wanted to talk with me about.   She told me on the phone that she just was feeling like she wanted to be attached to anyone right now.  She said that she had been married for 20 years and she needs to see what's out there?   Bam! I got this on a phone call while away.  I felt it was very immature and insensitive for her to do that while I was away.  I also felt like it was cowardly.

When I got back I tried to talk things out with her.  We saw each other for Valentines day and it was more of a breakup or separation conversation versus a celebration of our love.  I was hurt.  She cried but I was in shock.  I couldn't even cry at that point because of the shock.  I tried to justify her behavior for my own sake but I think that made things worse.   She went away to Israel and called me from there so I thought she missed me and that was a good sign.  Then she came back and started hanging out with some of her dsyfunctional friends and pulled away again.  Then she went away to Florida for a wedding and sent me a really nice message.  One thing to mention is that I believe she has problems with mold in her house and so when she is away she feels better or thinks more clearly.  Also she is away from negative voices of dysfunctional friends and Mother.   

On my birthday last month she threw a party for me but then we talked and she re-iterated that she wanted to be free to see other people.  I felt that was un-empathetic considering we were supposed to be celebrating my birthday.  In addition, she brought up that our earlier meeting after the restaurant issue.  She said "you were going to break up with me but you didn't."  She also said that she doesn't know what she wants. 

I've seen her twice since then and the last time she seemed like my old gf.  She wanted to touch me and kiss me and I said that I didn't feel comfortable with that until she decided she wanted to see me again without talking about seeing other people.  I would be happy to be friends while she figures this out (what i told her).   The truth is now I don't know how to be friends.  She told me if i called her to go out that would be okay but i needed to be more confident (projection sucks).   I don't like how she's confusing or distorting kindness for weakness in a man.   I don't feel like chasing someone who is playing games with me (it feels like that) even though it might just be part of her illness.  Also, i don't know if since she is feeling low/depressed/anxiety ridden if I should be okay with picking up the slack of reaching out because she may need it.  Its a slippery slope I feel.  But confused.

So as i said in the beginning I'm confused because in the past there were no meds involved in the personality changes and and I'm not sure if in time she will re-calibrate back towards the woman I met who was on antidepressants.  I still love her and yet I'm trying to be strong and focus on what didn't work for my own sanity.  It's super hard and perhaps just needed to post this to see what others have to say and to vent a little.  I don't know what I would do if she wanted me back but right now I feel like i'm dealing with bi-polar or a combo of NPD/BPD because of the lack of empathy. 

thanks for listening/reading/commenting.