Trying to fight this pain today

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

TLDR: Became a provider to a very beautiful young woman and then she meets someone more attractive... .

Wasnt really expecting anything in return as she said she wasnt looking for a relationship but i thought id help her out with her situation as i thought my life was ___ but maybe i could help someone else out with their situation. Besides it was better that i helped her out instead of her continuously going on craigslist offering "things. for money. Really all i wanted from the beginning was companionship, someone nice to hangout with every now and then but it turned into less hanging out and me just sending her money when i could. Today i see she has found a mode attractive bf and yet still asks for money. I cut it off today but it still hurts so much because now am reminded of how the ones i find desirable see me. I know we will never talk again because i was just free money to her. Its funny that i can't even help out someone without being used. Not gonna lie, i saw this coming from a mile away but it still hurts immensely and i don't have the coping mechanisms for this. Moral of the story? Please, for the love of all that is good, dont be like me. Now i have so much debt and pain racked up with to one to blame but myself. AND im still alone. I see i havent learned from my last BPD relationship that i thought i was over. Im addicted to being wanted from those i find attractive though. Im also too attached to my empathy.

[SoMadSoSad]

TLDR: Became a provider to a very beautiful young woman and then she meets someone more attractive... .

Wasnt really expecting anything in return as she said she wasnt looking for a relationship but i thought id help her out with her situation as i thought my life was ___ but maybe i could help someone else out with their situation. Besides it was better that i helped her out instead of her continuously going on craigslist offering "things. for money. Really all i wanted from the beginning was companionship, someone nice to hangout with every now and then but it turned into less hanging out and me just sending her money when i could. Today i see she has found a mode attractive bf and yet still asks for money. I cut it off today but it still hurts so much because now am reminded of how the ones i find desirable see me. I know we will never talk again because i was just free money to her. Its funny that i can't even help out someone without being used. Not gonna lie, i saw this coming from a mile away but it still hurts immensely and i don't have the coping mechanisms for this. Moral of the story? Please, for the love of all that is good, dont be like me. Now i have so much debt and pain racked up with to one to blame but myself. AND im still alone. I see i havent learned from my last BPD relationship that i thought i was over. Im addicted to being wanted from those i find attractive though. Im also too attached to my empathy.

[SoMadSoSad]

How can i delete this post

[SoMadSoSad]

Nvm i dont want this deleted im in so much pain right now and i dont have the tools to deal or cope. I never asked for help before in my life but i need it now more than ever. Pls help, if not for me then for my parents sake. They have been too good to me.

[roberto516]

Hey somadsosad,

I understand your pain. This has to be something very difficult to endure to feel that all you were to someone was based off what they could get from you. I think we have all felt that way at one point during this process. You posted the original topic 2 days ago. Have you reached out to her at all. Has she reached out to you?

How else are you coping with this other than coming here? (which is a great thing to do anyway!)

[SoMadSoSad]

Hey somadsosad,

I understand your pain. This has to be something very difficult to endure to feel that all you were to someone was based off what they could get from you. I think we have all felt that way at one point during this process. You posted the original topic 2 days ago. Have you reached out to her at all. Has she reached out to you?

How else are you coping with this other than coming here? (which is a great thing to do anyway!)

All i have is alcohol which isnt working. I have not reached out to her. The last thing that was said was that i couldnt provide her with money anymore and i guess that was that. Wasnt even worth a simple ok or anything. No response from her end. Im so pathetic

[roberto516]

No response from her end. Im so pathetic

I'd say caring and kind instead  the depression waves hits hard, I wish it didn't but it does. It seems like the whole world just doesn't matter anymore no matter how hard we try to look at the bright side.

I know what you're going through and I knw how hard it is to fight that. So I'll just tell you that based off what I see you are an amazing human being who deserves happiness in this world. And one day you'll get it. I guarantee it 

[SoMadSoSad]

Thanks, idk why i feel like this though. I thought the end of my BPD relationship pain was the worse but this feels even more painful and she didnt even like me. Its to the point where my heart physically hurts. Anyone know anything i can do or take OTC just so i can function at work?

[roberto516]

Thanks, idk why i feel like this though. I thought the end of my BPD relationship pain was the worse but this feels even more painful and she didnt even like me. Its to the point where my heart physically hurts. Anyone know anything i can do or take OTC just so i can function at work?

I hate these types of answers but they do really work just by trying. What types of hobbies do you have? What is something you've wanted to do but haven't done for yourself?

In the moment, there is an app for phones called "insight mind". It has thousands of guided meditations. Some are as short as 3 minutes while some are close to 20 minutes. It has been immensely helpful. You can even search for specific meditation such as "heartbreak" "grief" "anger" or "acceptance". I don't know what you do for work, but I'm lucky enough that I can disappear for 5 minutes for a quick meditation.

Also, something as simple as breathing in and telling yourself "in this moment I am breathing in" and then breathing out while saying "in this moment i am breathing out". I was close to a panic attack today because of the thoughts, regrets, and just absolute longing for her. It helped calm me down. Hope some of this helps. And of course... .keep sharing here! Share to the point you think it's too much sharing and commenting and posting. It really does help.