bi polar ex gf

[stuck118]

Hi, I wonder if anyone could give their opinion and validate my suspicions about my ex gf who I still love and want back but who has really left me broken. I have been no angel in this myself but I wonder if her  behaviour suggests bi polar disorder?
To summarise it, I had a long term relationship and one day at work this new girl starts and we immediately hit it off and she was very openly flirty with me, sending me pictures of herself etc... Over time we went for a drink (bad I know) and got closer and feelings developed and she was obsessed with me wanting to chat for 7 hours a day and all through the night texting, extremely hypersexual and suggested all sorts of sequel acts and scenarios she wanted to do with me. Now I know it's bad but I started to fall for her and I was considering leaving my long term partner but the thing that I had a bad gut feeling about was how up and down she was emotionally, she had a short fuse and if I so much as spoke to a girl at work she would accuse me of flirting so over time it started to get a bit of jealously and mistrust coming in which was making me unsure about leaping into a full and open relationship with her and I told her as much. It's worth pointing out that once I was emotionally involved with her she told me she had attempted suicide 3 times and been hospitalised from it, been offered cbt but said it was no good? so when I found this out I thought I need to be very careful about this girl and don't do anything rash. eventually over time I also noticed she loved male attention and absolutely couldn't deal with not getting attention, we almost called it off when I said I was unsure and she went and had a guy twice her age at hers straight away, when I said I'm done she met up with me and begged me to not go out of her life. Now at this point I know I've been bad and I thought I need to do this properly so I ended my long term relationship and started to go out with her fully. Almost a month after this I had to work away for two or three days a week but only for around a month, and although I couldn't see her as much at that time I explained it was just temporary and she would also come to stay with me. The had become a bit fractious with each other but only because we weren't getting enough time together and I was noticing she suddenly was going to sleep early when she stayed with me, saying she's tired, then the following week she ends it with me and I find out she had started seeing a guy she met about a month before and shortly after he's moved in with her, she made it all my fault, not said sorry once and I've found myself apologising over and over again, at first as soon as I'd say I'm going to delete her number she would message me telling me she loves me and then steadily for the last 6 months there's been periods of torturous contact ranging from petty mind games to actual genuine care and nice chats then when it suits her she ignores me, then recently telling me "I miss you and your company but not in a way that makes me a bad person", finally this week I changed my WhatsApp picture of myself and she complimented that it was nice then changed hers firstly to an old picture that she had while we were dating and then a day or two later to a new one of her and her bf. As she knows our primary mode of chat has been through WhatsApp she knows I'd have to see that and be hurt and I feel she has done this to purposefully hurt me even though I have been there for her when she has needed me even after being dumped, she's asked me for holiday advice, recipes, etc... All stuff that she's asking me knowing that it's all for her and her new bf and it's been a very traumatic experience as I felt so deeply in love and connected with her, idolised by her then it's shifted to being angry and jealous at me and then like a switch she's not interested in me and is with a new guy within a week of it ending with me. I've tried to move on but it's like some sort of psychic connection any time I'm just starting to feel normal it's like she knows and I get a message. She turned up at a party I was at hoping to talk to me even though she has a new bf and if I've ever asked her to give us another go she turns and shoots me down. Any thoughts on this from anyone please?

[Emotions]

The term is borderline, and your story resembles most of our stories here in one way or another... .if you like the intense ups and downs of the relationship and the fickle ways that your girl seems to have, then by all means continue to pursue the excitement, mixed with agony... .if you want to go back to having a calmer more regulated life than I suggest you forget this girl and move on... .your choice, but the earlier you get of of this chaos the better for you in my humble opinion... .again I'm no professional and just one person with a broken heart, and at one point I even had a broken spirit... .I am slowly get both back at a HUGE price. It takes everything I have some days just to feel ok... .is that something you want to look forward to later on? Working hard mentally and physically to get your heart and soul back?

[heartandwhole]

Hi stuck118,



Welcome to bpdfamily! I'm sorry to hear of your relationship struggles. I'm afraid that it does sound familiar to many of us here. Naturally, only a professional can diagnose a personality or mood disorder, so we can't say if she has bi-polar or BPD. The behaviors, however, do resonate with a lot of what we deal with on this forum.

I recommend reading as much as you can about BPD and the Lessons on the right sidebar of this page ------->

When I first got here, I felt very confused and was hurting so badly. A few articles really helped me understand what I had just been through.

When you can, have a look at this article, and let me know if it resonates with your situation:  How a Borderline Relationship Evolves

The connections we forge with someone with BPD can feel extra strong. Be gentle with yourself as you process this situation. These kinds of relationships can bring up deep-rooted patterns from our childhoods that we may not have been aware of.

Keep writing and let us know how we can best support you. Thing can get better for you, stuck118. They have for me, and they can for you, too. 

heartandwhole

[stuck118]

So my BPD ex broke up with me and got with another guy within a week, recently she changed her whatsapp picture to her and her bf which I took as her trying to rub it in my face and so I deleted her number. Her birthday passed by and I didn't message her even though I wanted to. Then today she's messaged me saying hello and stated that I seemed angry and why didn't I wish her a happy birthday. I haven't responded. Does anyone have any advice? Was I right not to text her? Does she still have feelings for me if she's getting in touch?

[heartandwhole]

Maybe you could tell her that you are taking some time for yourself while you process the breakup.

She likely has feelings for you, especially in the moment when she reaches out. She appears to be with someone else now. Do you want to start to let go? I'm sorry. I know it hurts. 

heartandwhole