Intro, Hello, & Stuffs

[crafty2017]

Im never very good at these things .

So, um ... .Separated from ex who has received a provisional dx of severe BPD w comorbid OCPD. Although we have joint custody / guardianship, I am the primary custodial parent to our medically fragile child.

Ex 'left' his job of several years very abruptly last fall and has been undergoing some sort of counselling ever since. His receipt of disability benefits is conditional on him attending weekly sessions with a therapist hired by his insurer.

Right now my primary concern is maintaining stability for my son . When his Dad is 'on' he's an exceptional parent. When he's not - he's a serious safety risk . Tomorrow I meet with a complex care team / CPS to discuss how I can maintain stability for DS . Ex has repeatedly threatened to just walk away, end it right now, cut all ties, etc. Our son adores him and this would be devastating for everyone concerned.

Thanks for listening & sharing your wisdom .

[Tattered Heart]

Hi crafty,

Welcome to the boards . I hope you can find lots of support and healing here. Your ex's stability sounds a lot like many relationships with a pwBPD--up and down. When it's good things are great. When it's not, it's bad.

Are you and your ex trying to work things out or are you more trying to work out custody?

[crafty2017]

Reconciliation is off the table at this point. That decision was made by me after I discovered he was back fooling around online , internet dating, probable cam sex.

Right now we are trying to work out a consistent schedule.  He wants the parent role without the 'co' part. The time he does spend with DS is inconsistent and generally doesn't end well (Dad red in the face, shaking, son in tears.)

[Tattered Heart]

I can imagine how painful that must be to see this happening to your son.

[takingandsending]

Hi crafty and welcome.

I am sorry you are going through this and your son especially so. How did your meeting go? What age is your son? Can you elaborate when you say your xh is a "serious safety risk"? Is he a risk to your S, to you, to himself?

If reconciliation is off the table, will you file/have you filed for divorce? I agree that working out a consistent schedule is very important for your son, but also (any consistent boundaries) helps the pwBPD. Have you had any movement on this since meeting with the CPS care team?