If not for the sex...

[Helplessly]

some of us wouldn't be here. As shallow as this is I find myself obsessing over what the new guy is doing to her.  Super seductress.

But my brain is dissecting the relationship. Everything else was tiring exhausting.  We are polar opposites. I sail, play sports, hike, etc...   She gets stoned nonstop and her favorite hobby is pubbing. Chain smoker. No need to excercise because of genetics  I made a strong break from her last summer. Flew to Costa Rica for a wedding. Didn't think about her AT ALL. I remember my 19 year old son asking me if it was hard to get over her. I asked why. He said that one afternoon with her on my sailboat was emotionally exhausting, he couldn't imagine a year.  From the mouths of babes. Stable and mellow she was not.  Unless she was stoned out of her mind bugging me to go get her frozen yogurt.

Reaching out to her casually in August was the beginning of the end and here I sit in a Psychiatrists office. 100% insane.

I had this coming. Like a jigsaw puzzle she supplemented some inadequacies and insecurities that lay dormant probably since I was 3.

[HelenaHandbasket]

I'm sorry you're finding it hard going right now--it does get easier though, and I'm glad you're seeing someone to help you sort through your feelings.

Years and years ago when I finally ended things with my dysfunctional ex, I used to obsess over the idea of him falling for/making love to another woman. It was torturous. But before long, I got to a point where I genuinely could not have cared less.  Hang in there and keep seeing your counselor--and when those thoughts come, acknowledge that they are normal but remind yourself of all the reasons why you had to get out of there.

[Circle]

That sucks.
I fall for the stoners too.
Lord only knows why.
Sorry you are suffering.
I agree with HelenaHandbasket.
It does get better, it takes time.
There are so many cool people in the world.
We just get tunnel-vision about 1 single person.
Even if we aren't dating them, it's great to meet or be other people.
Take care of yourself!

[panhead67]

I fell for a stoner too!
My loved one was emotionally draining... .I couldn't really see the damage it was doing while I was in it. til I had a severe relapse of Epstein Barr, a discard, and he couldn't care less. I like to remember these things, if I have a rumination.
I have a little time under my belt, time away from him. It never felt like I would be grateful to be clean(he's out of my life), but today it's on my gratitude list. I have been living through the "void" and time definitely makes it better.
Some days the pain, loss and childhood trauma hit all at once, and it feels unbearable. But it passes, am sitting through it, trying to do my part to heal... .moving on to have a relatively good day here and there. one day at a time, it works.
Jus keep sharing, there is hope!

[Hopeful_Me]

Some days the pain, loss and childhood trauma hit all at once, and it feels unbearable. But it passes, am sitting through it, trying to do my part to heal... .

This is how I feel today. Lost, empty, wanting to go "home". That is MY attachment/abandonment issue. I appreciate your posting this.

I realize that some of my past issues and behaviors are attachment related. I am a recovering codependent, which carries some similar traits to BPD - fear when a relationship ends, needing someone to validate me, feeling empty at times. I asked my former therapist several times to make sure he was evaluating me for BPD. I wanted to know the truth. He was very earnest and simply said I suffer from codependency. I am not minimizing, I've just been in recovery almost my entire adult life so I am not afraid of it any longer.

Being involved with a pwBPD, however, seems to have heightened my disease thinking/feeling quite a bit. I've read, btw, that codies & BPD's seem to attract each other. I can definitely concur.

I am hoping, and waiting, for these ___ty feelings to pass. Meanwhile, I am just accepting they are what they are. They're here. But they ain't staying forever.

[StayStrongNow]

My take is that with all the knowledge I gained at this site and others, discussions with my T and time passing by, I changed. I am less concerned about my uxBPDw and have LC with her and focus on my D11, D9 and S7 with whom I have sole decision making authority and less on her. Those days are gone of the longing to have sex with the x and scheming during the divorce process of doing her. She would let me and wielded that power over me, what a fool I was.

Now she is totally unattractive to me and I actually would prefer she find someone that she could actually have a longer lasting r/s than her track record of three replacements that lasted a mere few months. She was the easiest lay I ever had in my life and the flying monkeys were in it for that no doubt.

Now I want someone to take her, please take my x somebody please!

Maybe then she will leave me be and I wouldn't have to block her from texting me so much.