My wife had BPD and we have a 10 year old daughter

[JO-JO]

I have finally figured out my wife has BPD,  and we have a 10 year old daughter. If it were not for my 10 year old, I would leave her!

I feel trapped, suffocated.

I am so screwed up.

I need help.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Yikes44]

Hi Jo-Jo.

I think you have come to the right place. It can be both good and bad to discover likely BPD in a spouse or partner. Good in that you don't feel quite so alone, and that your wife's issues are a disorder and something you shouldn't personalize. Bad in that you realize it probably is something that you just need to just accept and at best "manage" through various tips and tools , if you even choose to do so. A long relationship with a BPD can be  damaging, particularly if you haven't been able to understand it. They tend to isolate you, run down your self esteem and even make you question your sanity. This is a very good place to find information and support. I'm always startled but comforted by the familiar themes I find here.

[MrRight]

I have finally figured out my wife has BPD,  and we have a 10 year old daughter. If it were not for my 10 year old, I would leave her!

I feel trapped, suffocated.

I am so screwed up.

I need help.

Hi Jo-Jo

similar story here - except I am a few years ahead of you with a S14. Same feeling exactly. Somehow I manage to keep sane thinking of when my life will get back on the rails. I have heard that 60 is the new 40 - that really cheers me up.

You will get tons of advice on here - it seems you have decided to see your daughter's childhood through - understandable - only you know whether an exit strategy along with your daughter is the best option - or even feasible or doable.

In the meantime - I do recommend you read through some of the tools on here - might at least help you develop strategies to cope and prevent escalation - conflicts etc.

But first perhaps - why do you think your wife has BPD?