How to deal with lying

[SAAT]

I am looking for help with my DBPD 26yr old daughter. She was diagnosed about 4 years ago and has been in therapy and on medication since then. Some of her behaviours have improved, but she still seesaws between severe depression and relationship issues.

I have no idea how to deal with her lying. I know she lies a lot of the time, although she is very good at it and knows how to use lies to con me, normally so I will give her money (for a medical procedure/because she is stranded etc).  I travel a lot and she will text me with some drama that has just happened etc.

Should I confront her? should I tell her I don't trust her? I know I have to set some boundaries here but I am concerned about her thinking I am rejecting her. I did tell her today I would only pay for bills directly - not just transfer her money.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi there Saat

Remembering that boundaries are for you. They refer to the big stuff "you will not hit me" and are your morals and values.

I set a limit with my adult DS26. I never give him money. I'll be paying for his therapy that starts next week by direct transfer or cheque to the therapist,

I take everything he says with a pinch of salt. He's an excellent liar. Since I've stepped back and left his life to himself (and not giving him money) I find that I don't ask many questions.

LP

[Rockieplace]

Hi there,

I hear your fear of saying no!  I felt so like that a while back. After reading a lot of books on setting boundaries and the advice on here I plucked up the courage.  I didn't say sorry.  I didn't give reasons.  I just said no, love, we can't do that. I always followed the refusal with 'love you' and kisses if it was in text etc.    I then waited for the explosion of anger and hatred and it didn't come!  I can now say no without too much worry.  I hope this helps.