Is there anything I can even do at this point?

[throwaway1234500]

Fell for this girl in March... .had never fell for a girl before, had dated others but thought I just couldn't connect with people. Things were amazing for a month and then I went through my first "devaluing" phase. She eventually snapped back but then five days later it was completly over

In the aftermath I was a complete idiot, and became basically obsessed with her and trying to understand how she could change her mind in 8 hours and hate me all of a sudden. I ran into her in public on purpose, and became despearte and needy for her. Then one day I finally snapped on her in a middle of the fight and she blocked me on most things and it's been no contact for 6 weeks.

In the aftermath I figured out that she was borderline from symtoms she showed, and her basically admitting it to me when i was being devalued. (She has a strong pattern of this with guys, understand the signficance of an armchair dx) I have no idea if shes being treated as she has other health problems going on too. But she i think is somewhat aware of it when she admitted it. Anyway at this point I'm very black in her eyes from what I understand, and theres only a couple avenues that I could contact her at this point that haven't been severed.

Shes the only women I have ever wanted. And I think I'll care and love her till the day I die. I know it was short but there was such an insane connection with her that I haven't had before. Is there anything I can even do? I feel so bad everyday that the last words I ever will say to this girl that I love will be mean.
She's gone through 2 guys since me, but i posted a pic with a friend and it happened to be the last place me and her were together and i immediatly got unfollowed last week, so I assume I'm pretty black.

Everyday is so painful, I love her so much, I hate myself for not knowing that she had BPD and doing all the wrong things and burning the bridge. I just want her to know that I love her and that shes the only person I ever want and that I'm not going to "leave her" (she said I would many times), While being devalued I was told that I "got to close to her" and that she had to do it. Tearing up writing this.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[roberto516]

Welcome throwaway!

I can relate all too well. The amazing connection felt, the discard, the begging and then the eventual rage. It isn't something I'm proud of to this day and I still struggle with it.

Any solace you might take from this but when I spoke about this to my therapist he said that I was basically a cornered animal who couldn't express myself for fear of going on a relationship "break" or the silent treatment. And so when I finally felt the real betrayal after loving so much I lashed out in rage. It doesn't make it right. But it gave me some comfort to know I'm not as terrible as I made myself out to be. And I was able to come to terms with my own unhealthy ways of coping with perceived rejection and abandonment myself.

Being painted black is difficult. Trust me, we all played a role in our relationships for good or bad. But the anger you displayed is, in a way, a self-fulfilling prophecy for them. By begging and pleading there is a subconscious "let's see how much he cares" until we get frustrated and we have had enough. We are human so we are allowed to be angry and say mean things in a moment of "lizard brain" as I call it. But by doing that we are now looked at as "everyone else". Basically we became what they always assumed us to be; someone who would hurt them just like parental caretakers. It's not a fair game.

Keep sharing here and posting here. In time you will be able to learn more about this as well as yourself. It's of no comfort right now probably, but what you can do at this point is begin to be kind to yourself. And don't be hard on yourself. Believe me. All couples argue.

I was speaking to a co-worker today about the fight he had with his wife this weekend. The things said, etc. But they understand it's not something to throw away the relationship for or "hate" their partner for. It's a difficult thing we were a part of. In a relationship like this you have to be perfect as we are tested and pushed until eventually, again because we are humans, we end up disappointing them.