Not sure what to do

[alwaysloving]

So this is a bit all over the place but this is/was a two year relationship that I'm not sure I can take much more of it... long story short shes not diagnosed but her signs show pretty much BPD... Where do I start... man... Ok so in the very start of this relationship shows all the signs of very intense she was the first to kiss me and that was about 10 min after meeting within that span it took another 7 months to a year for her to finally commit to being in a relationship (That's OK) I met her family on New years eve... between that time and the first time we met it was back and forth she went on other dates and so on. that part is fine with me...

Now when we became official it was OK no issues she just had a very high sex drive the attention always had to be on her it was to the point where she did not want me to have any female friends on social media and if she posted something or liked any of my pictures she had issues with that and she wanted me to remove them... .that what happened with one of my friends from middle school. So some of the stuff she has said really had me thinking... she wanted to go to couples therapy and at the time we had not made it official yet. I too thought that was odd. So I know I'm jumping around a lot but trying to remember this far back without going over the most recent stuff is hard... Way back in 2015 she wanted me to come with her to Florida and later got shot down because her family wanted her to "marry this guy" And she found out that he just wanted papers... OK so she went to Florida by herself but she would skype me and whatever Anyways she has a female friend that never liked me from the start and to the end or whatever she still never liked me I met all her other friends but her friend always had some type of excuse of why she could not meet me but they would go out for drinks and get drunk and her friend would really act out.

So coming more to present day she said something back on Dec 13th 2015 that really stuck out to me... "Just because I want to have your child doesn't mean I want to be with you" I'm guessing that was her true self talking at the moment. I brought it up to her about 2 months ago she she said that was in the past and it changed... Now about this time I'm starting to see a lot of changes in her behavior... I was starting to get accused of doing thing I was not doing... so to try and ease her mind I shared my location with her on my phone which led her to ask why was I here or if my location jumped around while I was sleep at home she would text me going full bore that I was out cheating. Nothing I could say would be good enough for her. So as much as I tried to let her see I had nothing to hide I was always the bad one... So I brought her over we had dinner made out a few times and she was fine... the part next was crazy I don't know what was wrong with her or if she was just acting out but she knew where I kept my drinks at and she tried to drink a whole bottle of wine but I had to force it out of her hand and told her to sleep finally she did sleep. The next day she did not remember anything of it... now coming to present day I had a wedding to photogtaphy and she went 100% crazy in calling me by this time she says we have broken up but yet she has been snooping on my phone and seeing where I have posted and saw where I said I think she has BPD so now she always brings that up everytime she gets... She said she paid for a session on Better heath and they dont think she has BPD... .she got mad at me because she had to pay $180 for them. So About this wedding that I went to... it was a huge issue I decided to share some pictures because it was a nice event... big mistake... she was accusing me of going to take one of the women to a hotel or home to have sex with... At that time I stopped responding to her because she was ruining my day... I refused to talk to her for 48 hours and she just finally gave up on texting me or calling so she went to message me online in which I still did not do much responding... Now when we talked on the phone she was telling me how I don't see her it's been a month which is true and this "guy" does nice things for her and buys her stuff to eat in the morning and has a nice car and all... So on the nights we did talk she was telling me this guy had her laptop and I'm thinking why would a guy take YOUR laptop home and says he is going to bring it over to your house... she was like oh the weather was bad and my backpack is not that good...

OK... .So I think she goes on the says I don't know how he found my apartment (her building is like 6 floors) Or sometimes they go to the gym and workout together... .so she changed her name the other day online and I just happened to search on google which led me to find out she was talking about me on another site and one of the thread was saying how she was mad because I still have the pictures of me and her up and she does not know why I have not removed them (shes sent me messages about that) So she posted this on that site and she said she was nervous about this new guy hes been pressuring her to go out with him and she said I have to think about it... long story short it's the same guy she said she was just "working out" with at the gym... I'm not stupid you don't just start working out again after not working out in like 7 months. So she was like she was over me but the other people were like you can't just right back into another relationship right away and they did not think she was over me her her reply was maybe not...

Oh I did forget to say I almost had a child with this women... .however it ended up being a ectopic pregnancy... between that and her ranting by text she said she did not know why she settled for the ugly guy (me she is referring to me)

You know when this relationship first started it had me so stressed out but I kept searching over and over to find out now that I have more of a idea I don't let it stress me and I guess the fact I don't show much reaction anymore kind of bothers her just like when she tries to send me 2 pages worth of text like its over I don't let it phase me... I just started a full time job and I can't deal with the extra stress she got mad because I was too tired to talk on the phone or if I did I would soon fall asleep.

Right now I don't want anything to do with this the past week has been good to come home and not get into any arguments or being accused of doing something I haven't did.

I'm not sure what I should do I guess because I did not delete the pictures she just finally got the idea to just unfriend me

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Alwaysloving, 

Thank you for sharing your story. There is a lot that is going on in your life, and the stress is there after these two years, isn't it? You are tired. I am sorry for the pain and hurt you are in.

... .she was the first to kiss me and that was about 10 min after meeting... .

This is interesting to me because it is common that pwBPD have trouble with boundaries. In addition, much of what you shared reminds me of the projection I lived with from my uBPDm. I'll post a link here for you to a workshop that may help you in your understanding:

BPD BEHAVIORS: Projection

Where are you in your relationship with her? Are you able to take some steps to self healing and recovery so that you are able to weather the storms of the relationship better?

 
Wools

[alwaysloving]

Hi Alwaysloving, 

Thank you for sharing your story. There is a lot that is going on in your life, and the stress is there after these two years, isn't it? You are tired. I am sorry for the pain and hurt you are in.

This is interesting to me because it is common that pwBPD have trouble with boundaries. In addition, much of what you shared reminds me of the projection I lived with from my uBPDm. I'll post a link here for you to a workshop that may help you in your understanding:

BPD BEHAVIORS: Projection

Where are you in your relationship with her? Are you able to take some steps to self healing and recovery so that you are able to weather the storms of the relationship better?

 
Wools

Right now the relationship is I really don't know... I've gone like 2 weeks without speaking... the funny thing is the other day she sent me a message on a social media site asking me to contact her ASAP with a number I could be reached at because it was very important... .I was busy doing something else at the time and she just ended calling me anyways, to me it sounded like she just wanted to have a reason to call or to see if I blocked her number... it sounded pretty dumb to asking me to give her a number where I could be reached when she still had my number and she called me anyways.

having said that on this social media site she unfriended me but then later sent me a request back but I noticed she unfollowed me again and since she uses the same user name all over the internet I noticed she put herself back up on a dating website... for someone that said she had no time to be dating and she was not going to do anything else but wait and does not have time for it I had my doubts... she did pretty much everything she said she wasn't going to do... in my own thinking I don't think she can handle a relationship longer then 2 years after that (and as we got closer to two years) she got worse in just about everything... it was projection galore.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi again Alwaysloving, 

How are you doing now? A few days have passed, and I wondered how you are feeling?

Feelings can be hard to grab a hold of and identify. For many years I buried mine in order to take care of everyone else's feelings. In fact, I became super sensitive to how everyone else was feeling but had absolutely no clue about my own. What a surprise when my T asked what I was feeling and I could not tell him. Identifying my feelings is still something I have to regularly work on, but it is a healthy sign when we can begin to figure those out.

Have you heard anymore word from your SO?

 
Wools

[alwaysloving]

Hi again Alwaysloving, 

How are you doing now? A few days have passed, and I wondered how you are feeling?

Feelings can be hard to grab a hold of and identify. For many years I buried mine in order to take care of everyone else's feelings. In fact, I became super sensitive to how everyone else was feeling but had absolutely no clue about my own. What a surprise when my T asked what I was feeling and I could not tell him. Identifying my feelings is still something I have to regularly work on, but it is a healthy sign when we can begin to figure those out.

Have you heard anymore word from your SO?

 
Wools

Well this is what she's done... she text me last night about something unrelated trying to find info on a camera I had so I gave it to her and she was wondering were I was...   I told her and she again accused me of telling a lie... meanwhile it was late and I was trying to go home... I was offered dinner at a family friend's home after I looked at their car so I knew that was going to happen... So fast forward today she text me a few told me she had to go to the dentist... then she was like she had to speak to me later today... so in the end she was like she wanted us to send off balloons of the child we lost and after that we can walk away... I asked her from what and she was like the thought of us loosing the child but then later on she said us...

Meanwhile she has the dating profile up and she " said " she went on a date the other day but she did not like the guy... Oh and still found time to accuse me again of cheating... .What I don't get is if we are broken up then why would it matter to her?

IMHO and this is what coming from what I have seen... she's been so itching to get back on the dating website she was doing everything in her power to do so She had the nerve to ask me if I went on any dates... pretty much accusing me of the stuff shes doing herself

[alwaysloving]

Saw her post online at another site and she brags about wondering if it feels wrong she wants to have hot steamy sex with him? Did not want to give him her number but she finally gave in after a 4 hour long convo... (sounds just like me when we started talking) but the fact she goes right to saying she wants to have sex... but then today she sends me a picture with a low cut top on and asks me how she looks seems pretty stupid and she wants me to meet up 2 weeks from now to release balloons and her way she calls it to "cut ties" and move on after the lost of our unborn child it seems like a huge mash up.

[alwaysloving]

Looks like it's finally over... she got mad because I did not come over on a Sunday she failed to tell me she took a day off from work all she said was "lets see the sunrise together take the 4 AM train" I had to fix a person's computer who has been asking me for months to do so... it took longer then I had expected so she later sent a message saying I was never going to come and all that and saying how she took a day off from work... I told her if you had worded it differently and would of told me 24 hours in advance I would of made plans for that but telling me same day you took the day off is not right...

So she's like I lost $200 in tips and demanded that I repay her the $200 I said no I'm not going to pay anything... so she ended up saying you know what have a nice life your other girl is texting you and I'm changing my number... so she did finally change her number and I haven't heard from her since which it will be almost a week... however she still has me as a friend on social media and she was using my password to watch some shows but I have since changed my password so she can no longer do that.

[Meili]

Where are things at now alwaysloving?

[alwaysloving]

Where are things at now alwaysloving?

went down even more... matter of fact the 2 years we were dating meant nothing as she told me she went to her country (she is a U.S. citizen) next thing I know she's married!

[Meili]

Oh, man, I'm sorry to hear that is how things played out for you. What are your plans now? For life I mean, not regarding her.

[alwaysloving]

Oh, man, I'm sorry to hear that is how things played out for you. What are your plans now? For life I mean, not regarding her.

Take my time and work on the things I did before I was in a relationship