Help for the non borderline

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I am currently in an 8 year relationship  with  a borderline. Of course I can't tell  him that. I'm in so deep I have to leave while  there is anything  left of me. Before I become him. I'm so lost I don't know where to begin. My family doesn't understand. I need help. Serious help. If I didn't I would have left long ago.  I'm scared I've become dependent on him and accepting the behavoir just to avoid the consequences of hell. Which is a daily basis since last december. When a met the real person I believed to be   in love with. This person has   anything but love. I'm in a prison with no bars and he knows I want to leave. He has taken the car keys and stays outside the bedroom door watching and waiting for my every move. It's like he don't sleep, even if he is snoring and I tiptoe he wakes. And he has me so twisted I feel like I can't abandon him. I have to save  myself for fear I will become him

[Borderlinejoe]

I am currently in an 8 year relationship  with  a borderline. Of course I can't tell  him that. I'm in so deep I have to leave while  there is anything  left of me. Before I become him. I'm so lost I don't know where to begin. My family doesn't understand. I need help. Serious help. If I didn't I would have left long ago.  I'm scared I've become dependent on him and accepting the behavoir just to avoid the consequences of hell. Which is a daily basis since last december. When a met the real person I believed to be   in love with. This person has   anything but love. I'm in a prison with no bars and he knows I want to leave. He has taken the car keys and stays outside the bedroom door watching and waiting for my every move. It's like he don't sleep, even if he is snoring and I tiptoe he wakes. And he has me so twisted I feel like I can't abandon him. I have to save  myself for fear I will become him

[Panda39]

Hi Borderlinejoe,

Welcome to the BPD Family 

I'm sorry you have been feeling so isolated and not understood by your family   It is scary to feel trapped and like you are losing who you are.

But you are still in there, you posting here and sharing some of your story and your concerns show that there is a part of you that is in there fighting.

It sounds to me like this relationship has become abusive... .isolating you is a form of abuse, stalking you in your own home is abuse, not allowing you to leave (taking the car keys) is abuse.

Below is a thread on DV how much of this are you experiencing?

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61403.0

I'm scared I've become dependent on him and accepting the behavior just to avoid the consequences of hell.

. And he has me so twisted I feel like I can't abandon him.

People with BPD oftion use FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) or emotional blackmail in order to try and control people and situations that sounds like something that is going on with you too.

Below are a couple of links to more information on FOG... .

https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=82926.0

Do you work?  Is there a time when you are away from him that you could contact your local Domestic Violence hotline/center just to talk with someone?

I'm glad you've found us and decided to post the members here are great for support, ideas, and a listening ear.

I know others will be along soon, please take care and be safe 

Panda39