I think my wife has BPD

[Quantum Leap]

It started last year the first time out on are boat with her oldest son and his girlfriend we had an awesome 5 hour cruise as we ended are day we approached the docks the wind was blowing between5 and 10 mph which made it difficult to dock didn't want to damage anything so I took several attempts to aproch slowly the wind was moving us a lot then a nice person that was watching desided to help, with verbal instructions I was grateful but every word he said she my wife repeated very loud she was terrified ,made it difficult to concentrate but we made it things seemed fine after that .then she left town to go to a seminar for 4 days we talked on and off for the 4 days over the phone she told me of some people she met how she really liked this young lady and about how this other male Dr was flirting with her she always likes to tell me how many guys flirt with her . fast forward a few weeks we are in are new house we purchased together . this is were things got really crazy it seamed every time I would speak my opinion she would feel threatened and then start going off on me telling me I was disrespectful abusive so on and so forth I would argue back with her it upset me to hear those things when I wasn't that way finally after several times of this happening I talked to her son about it and he shared a few things with me as well as he was growing up. he has a bachelor's degree in psychology he suggested borderline personality disorder so after a few weeks I decided to YouTube and do some research on borderline personality found a book called stop walking on eggshells and oh boy if that didn't describe what I've been going through for the past six years so I YouTube several seminars on the disorder and people with the disorder .O and after the simanar she started  seeing a psychologist down in California to help her with her childhood trauma the next six months was pretty much hell I stayed away as much as possible after reading the book I learned not to react on all the attacks, thought maybe i could work through all this. and three weeks before Christmas she asked for divorce I did not want to give her that knowing what I'd learned and what she's going through with her psychologist things got a little better with me not reacting on all the hurtful things she was saying about me but as I did some of my own things like going down and doing maintenance on the boat or just relaxing on my 2 days off from work  because I'm gone 5 days a week it didn't get any better and now it's really bad it's like she's blackmailing me to get what she wants witch is crazy because I would give her the world if I could.she takes a little of the truth and embellishes it to horrible horrible accusations its crazy I don't no what to do other than cut all ties give her what she wants and move on . ( I have never reached out like this to anyone I hope someone will have the patience to read this and maybe give some advice)

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[JoeBPD81]

Hi,  Quantum Leap, and

I'm sorry we got to your post so late. There's been a lot of new people posting, and a shortage of veteran members and staff. I hope late is better than never.

As you might guess, giving advice is not something without its dangers. People with BPD are not all the same, there are different kinds (sub-types) and inside that, every person is different.

I understand your hopelessness, the part I resonate the most with is something like "why would she blackmail me, if I would give her the world?" It is very frustrating.

How long have you been educating yourself in BPD? How long have you been together? These things take time to settle. The diagnosis can shake the person's world, before things can get into place, and the improvement can begin.

Staying away can defuse some intense situations, but it doesn't solve them, she might feel abandoned, and that triggers a lot of disregulated emotions.

What do YOU want? Has the situation changed?

Please keep telling us, so we can know you and the situation a bit better. Try to use punctuation and separate paragraphs, it was hard to read your post as it is, and maybe that discouraged some members. We all have our own troubles, and that sometimes leads us to pick our battles, and choose where to put our efforts.

Don't dispair!