4 Months No Contact and BPDx approaches my Best Friend

[Depression = 72% of members]

A few days ago my best friend was at a party and said he saw 2 girls looking at him and whispering to one another, then one approached him and said hi. He didn't recognize it was my BPDx of 3 years and said "what was your name again?" She responded and then it clicked who she was. She asked how I was doing, he responded "great" and then she told him to say hello to me.

He said she looked depressed.

When he told me initially I got quite sad. It was as though I had personally run into her, and that would have taken me for a spin.

Then I started of course questioning her motives for even approaching my friend: was she still thinking of me? Is this a recycle attempt? Is this her way of saying she wants me?

I blocked her 4 months ago and have been trying to move on. She will remain blocked.  I have done way too much progress to look back. Just had to vent.

[hopealways]

A few days ago my best friend was at a party and said he saw 2 girls looking at him and whispering to one another, then one approached him and said hi. He didn't recognize it was my BPDx of 3 years and said "what was your name again?" She responded and then it clicked who she was. She asked how I was doing, he responded "great" and then she told him to say hello to me.

He said she looked depressed.

When he told me initially I got quite sad. It was as though I had personally run into her, and that would have taken me for a spin.

Then I started of course questioning her motives for even approaching my friend: was she still thinking of me? Is this a recycle attempt? Is this her way of saying she wants me?

I blocked her 4 months ago and have been trying to move on. She will remain blocked.  I have done way too much progress to look back. Just had to vent.

[NotOverHer]

Hi Movingforward. Your post is well taken. My uBPDex and I broke up 4 weeks ago, after a 14 month long-distance passionate affair. This ended as she told me, the weekend that I was visiting her, that she'd had unprotected sex with a new guy 3 times in 1 night the previous week, and was travelling to spend the weekend with him, even though she barely knew him.

We met up 3 weeks ago (the day before she went to spend the weekend with the new guy - bless his soul, he has no idea what's about to hit him!), so I could talk to her one last time, and to help me get closure. When she told me she wanted to stay friends, I told her that from what I'd read, it would be best to cut off all communication. I haven't heard from her since. I am hurting. Some days are better than others. But it's definitely not easy. We were supposed to go on vacation together next month, but she told me she wouldn't go, and today I realized that the seat she had reserved next to mine was now available. I knew she wouldn't come, but it still is a blow to me.

I think of her when I go to sleep, when I wake up during the night, and when I wake up in the morning. I have a hard time getting her out of my mind. It is getting easier. I am starting to get my happy disposition back (most of the time), as well as getting productive with my work again. But it's not easy.

How did you manage to get over her? How long did it take? Any tips that could help me reduce the pain?

Thank you!

NotOverHer

[hopealways]

They way I got over her is coming to the realization that it is not her that is the really the issue, she just brought out deep childhood wounds in me largely from a BPD and emotionally abusive mother.  I never really thought my mother was anything but loving until I dove deep into memories of my childhood during and after the breakup and slowly realized that I grew up in a very toxic environment.

To this day my mother completely denies she did anything wrong and claims I was the happiest child (this is totally false).

What happens then is that I am now in the process of developing a relationship with my inner wounded child and reassuring him that my adult side is there for him and he is not alone.  I was a lonely and heartbroken child.

My BPDx was also a heartbroken child. We all manifest that in different ways.  She refuses therapy but I go weekly.

Yes I do miss her very much. But she was also a BandAid on my wounds.  Her presence had a painful familiarity for me and the ups and downs of being in a turbulent relationship made my otherwise empty heart feel alive.  After a while you realize that is no way to live.

It has been quite a journey realizing that all these troubles stemmed from a horrible childhood I convinced myself was amazing but I had to start somewhere.  These days I enjoy time alone with myself.  When the time is right, a special someone will enter my life.  For now I am healing.