How extreme can being painted black go?

[bus boy]

My Xw has extremes in her thinking, first of all she is never wrong, I mean never, she will never change her mind about anything ever. Xw has it in her mind that my sister is the town drunk, she hates my family but really hates my sister in a most unusual way. My sister scratches her head wondering why Xw always hated her. My theory is my sister never gave Xw special treatment, my sister treats everyone the same, she doesn't go out of her way to treat anyone extra special and when my sister got the message Xw didn't like her, my sister said I'm not kissing her f*****g ass, she doesn't like me I can't make her like me, so she can f**k right off. I think Xw expected my sister to get down on her knees but my sister did the opposite. Xw made our first couple of trips to family court more about my sister than anything else, she tried to prove my sis was a drinkin misfit, the judge made a fool of Xw and 9 years later Xw is still trying to prove sister is a drunk, Xw is turning the assault charges against her into how much of a drunk my sister is. What is up with that? My sister is a well known mother in the community, very involved with her children, rarely ever drinks. When she was younger she ran the roads but that's what we all did growing up in the country and small towns, hit the back roads, travel, there use to be dances every weekend and everyone hit the dances. Xw is going back 20 years ago and more into my sisters teenage youth. My sister has 3 children she's in her early forties, a very settled woman. Xw use to tell me how bad of drinks her grandmother was and her aunts but none of this was true, one of the aunts she told me was a drunk never drank in her life, but Xw told me her aunt was drunk every day. BPD/NPD people must go to extreme misperceptions. Something is very odd about the whole thing.

[ScottishKin]

It can go pretty extreme from what I know of my estranged wife and from what I've read others have gone through.

My wife told the police I had pushed her several times as I was trying to 'steal her dog' (I was actually trying to leave the house with OUR dog and she threw herself up against the door to prevent this) and to add insult to injury, while she in the zone with this delusion/lie/distortion/whatever she thought she'd text my mother and scorch some earth by implying I'd put my hands on her.

So yeah. Folk, huh?

[Harley Quinn]

Hi bus boy,

Something my exBPDbf said to me once just came back to me.  He would have moments of clarity following some of his rages and I can remember he sat down calmly and told me that even when he knew that what he was saying or doing was wrong, he would realise he had gone too far and 'had to see it through'.  He just couldn't stop when he hit a certain point and there was no going back for him.  He'd often apologise for saying certain things he'd accuse me of and admit that he knew he was wrong about it at the time he was saying it too.  So it wasn't all delusions. 

Maybe there is an element of your Xw not knowing how to turn back on something she has committed to see through, despite realising deep down that maybe she is incorrect.  Remember, emotionally we're talking about someone who is at the level of a small child... .Does she have anyone in her family/friends that can reach her? 

Love and light x 

[bus boy]

Hi Harley, Xw is a very vicious emotional abuser and you are right, she is like a child emotionally. Xw has her family fimly planted in her court, I think they are scared of her, no matter how rediclous Xw gets they are there for her, she has her puppet BF wrapped around her finger as well. When we were married I knew nothing about NPD/BPD, in public Xw was wonderful sweet person, in the home she was a vicious manipulating abuser. Talking to her was like talking in crazy circles, she is extremely intelligent and can twist your words. I went to Xw family when we were married and asked for help, could they talk to her that something is very wrong and they turned on me in a very vicious anusive way that I didn't expect, they didn't say sure we can help, they didn't offer any advice, they just went clear over the deep end on me. I feel Xw's personality disorder is getting worse. She has her BF jumping through hoops for her. She is on a super high Bc she has everyone around her dancing to her tune.

[Violettine]

My BPD ex did the whole smear campaign thing with me and 20 years later some people still believe him.