DIL from hell

[Depression = 72% of members]

My oldest son has been married for 6 years to my DIL who I am convinced has BPD. They dated briefly and she got pregnant. They got married before my granddaughter was born. So I really didn't know much about her in the beginning. In the last 6 years, there has been more drama than I care to remember. My DIL had a messed up childhood - parents divorced and each parent "claimed" a child. Unfortunately, my DIL got her mom. Her mom tried convincing her from day 1 that our family didn't like her. She also convinced her that all men leave, sooner or later (she's divorced times 2). Anyway, my DIL's relationship with her mom is rocky (on again and off again). In a nutshell, my relationship with her is also on again/off again. She is paranoid, jealous, and has an extreme anger issue. She reads into everything, and is convinced everyone is against her (namely everyone in my extended family). She has ruined basically every holiday and family event. It's to the point where I prefer that she and my son just don't even come.  Also, there's now 2 babies (ages 5 and 5 months) and the drama never ends. However, it's to the point now where my son believes everything she say (paranoia and all), and I'm always the bad guy. When times are good I see my granddaughters regularly. When we're not speaking (which is the case right now), I seldom see the girls. I know the 5 year old asks to come over, and my heart breaks not knowing what they're telling her. I've gone to counseling sessions in the past with my DIL, and things will be good for awhile. I'm fed up - sick of it all. I'm depressed that my relationship with my son is basically non-existent. I see no need to this madness... .Also, my DIL no longer has a relationship with her dad, sister, and niece and nephew. I know this hurts her greatly, but I think her dad and sister have finally had enough of the drama. In fact, they haven't even met the 5 month old baby.

Thanks for listening - I could seriously go on all day.

[Gwammax2]

My oldest son has been married for 6 years to my DIL who I am convinced has BPD. They dated briefly and she got pregnant. They got married before my granddaughter was born. So I really didn't know much about her in the beginning. In the last 6 years, there has been more drama than I care to remember. My DIL had a messed up childhood - parents divorced and each parent "claimed" a child. Unfortunately, my DIL got her mom. Her mom tried convincing her from day 1 that our family didn't like her. She also convinced her that all men leave, sooner or later (she's divorced times 2). Anyway, my DIL's relationship with her mom is rocky (on again and off again). In a nutshell, my relationship with her is also on again/off again. She is paranoid, jealous, and has an extreme anger issue. She reads into everything, and is convinced everyone is against her (namely everyone in my extended family). She has ruined basically every holiday and family event. It's to the point where I prefer that she and my son just don't even come.  Also, there's now 2 babies (ages 5 and 5 months) and the drama never ends. However, it's to the point now where my son believes everything she say (paranoia and all), and I'm always the bad guy. When times are good I see my granddaughters regularly. When we're not speaking (which is the case right now), I seldom see the girls. I know the 5 year old asks to come over, and my heart breaks not knowing what they're telling her. I've gone to counseling sessions in the past with my DIL, and things will be good for awhile. I'm fed up - sick of it all. I'm depressed that my relationship with my son is basically non-existent. I see no need to this madness... .Also, my DIL no longer has a relationship with her dad, sister, and niece and nephew. I know this hurts her greatly, but I think her dad and sister have finally had enough of the drama. In fact, they haven't even met the 5 month old baby.

Thanks for listening - I could seriously go on all day.

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome Gwammax2!

So very glad you've found a place where we understand! Thank you for sharing your story. 

How hurt you must be, and the pain doesn't go away. I wish all could be made better in a very short time, but with a BPD, as you know it is tough. I am glad that you've gone to T, but have you considered going for yourself only, without your DIL? I would encourage you to get support for yourself from a T who understands BPD. The support I've received from my T has been beyond helpful, and life changing in being able to help me grow and understand the effects of BPD which I learned from growing up with an uBPDm.

From what you've posted, it sounds as if a lot of triangulation is going on. Here is a link to a workshop about triangulation, and a little ways down in the second post you will note the Karpman triangle with another link listed there.

What does triangulation mean?

Please take time to read as many other posts as you can, especially those dealing with in laws. I'd love to know what you think of the link when you have a chance to read!

 
Wools