I dont know where to start

[notwillful]

Two weeks ago my 31 year old wife announced that she wants a divorce. 5 days later she left the house.  She is staying with her sister who thinks think im an ass for suggesting BPD.  I'm extremely worried about her but she will not let me help.  She claims I am verbally abusive and that her health has deterioated beause of it.  She has I.B.S., gerd, possible gluten and lactose sensitivity and she struggles with anxiety.  I dont know what to do.  I just started reading The Essential Family Guide as well as made an appt to see a therapist myelf.  Im so scared for her.  

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Notwillful, 

I'm so sorry for this stressful situation! I can only imagine the shock you are left feeling. Did you anticipate that this was going to happen? What do you think has led up to this sudden move on her part?

She is staying with her sister who thinks think im an ass for suggesting BPD.

Have you felt that your wife has BPD? Did you tell her this or only her sister? What types of behaviors does she show that cause you to think this?

I'm very glad that you are reaching out to a T. This can be a tough journey, and finding a support group through this site as well as in T is very good.

 
Wools

[diligentD]

Hey notwillfull,

thats got to be rough. I can feel your pain as I'm 1 year into my rough marriage, and about 10 months ago was informed by a therapist my wife may have BPD. I can relate to your scenario. She just recently left for her mom's again because I was to blame for the way she felt.

One thing i've been told by my therapists is to not bring up BPD with them. I held in that info for several months before I spewed out that info in a heated night-long argument. (i'm still learning). If you read a lot of material on BPD, you'll find its very hard for a BPD to accept that they are BPD.

Kudos to you for setting up an appointment for a therapist for YOU. and for getting into that book (which i look forward to reading in the future). At the moment I'm reading "Stop Walking On Eggshells". Which has been informative, and if nothing else a bit of a comfort (as is this site) to know i'm not alone. So know that man.

And its interesting to hear your wife has IBS and anxiety, as i'm also learning how that may be common (though maybe not proven) in BPD's lives. My wife has similar issues bowel and anxiety issues.

Don't get down. Talk to your therapist, talk to a good buddy who is trusting, family member, etc. Its good to go to someone you trust and can be honest with, without judgement and be able to vent. Not that they have to give answers, but to let all that out.

God bless you man.
This is my first post, I don't know much but I view this site as a great asset to those who struggle and live with BPD's.

[Bassackwardslife]

My BP wife has come and gone several times. She has threatened divorce. But she always comes around. It is classic "I hate you, don't leave me" BPD. I adore my wife and have decided to enjoy her when she is "on" and just continue to live my life when she is "off" or gone. Unlike some, she is not promiscuous. She was gone for three months out of state and I had her watched to see if she was with other men. She was not. She just ran to the safety of her family. I think that for me it has been crucial to have and maintain friendships outside of my relationship with her. She is very sophisticated in her ability to isolate me. I just don't let her. When she threatens divorce, I offer to go see an attorney of her choice at that time. It never happens, but if it does, so be it. But I am not going to abandon her at this point. I just let her be an ahole while I go fishing.

[Gumiho]

... .She was gone for three months out of state and I had her watched to see if she was with other men. She was not. ... .

My neckhair just stood up reading this.

Happy fishing