Just joined and introducing myself and my adult BPD daughter.

[Meldrum]

Hello and thank you for having this site to come to.
My daughter (I am her mum) 30 was diagnosed with BPD quite some years back.
I have just finished reading The Essential Family Guide to BPD and thought it amazing.
We live in Australia and my daughter now lives apart from me and my partner (on her own). She has no friends, hasn't since primary school. She can't work, as finds it difficult to socialise with others. Though as we know, our border-lions can be very social, intelligent, funny, artistic, knowledgable and she is all of these.
Sadly we have no on line chat support sites in Melbourne, would be nice if someone was from 'The land down under', but would like to establish relationships and get advice from anyone really.
My daughter was bullied at school, had a good family upbringing. Her father and I divorcing when she was 11, but all amicable.
She was sexually assaulted whilst trying out for the Navy in 2010.
Relationships... as we know don't last long. Whether they are just friends or serious.
She attended a DBT Clinic for a year, which didn't really help as her therapist was straight out of University and no life skills.
She has seen 4 psychologists and now has just commenced with her 5th, who has specialised in BPD for 15 years.  My issue tonight is, my partner and I just had 4 days away, both my parents passing in April and May this year, I needed to try and relax. Though speaking to my daughter, whilst away and things 'seemed' OK, by the time I returned home, her mood had changed and the lion was pacing.

Sending me links of how to commit suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning.
My partner and I rarely go away, but wish to again in August for 10 days, but I'm so frightened that my daughter will do attempt something. In her rational moments, she knows she has to try and get better, agreeing to see this latest therapist. Tonight in full blown mood, she refuses once again, saying it's all of us that need to change.

I could go on and on with stories, but I would probably bore everyone. If anyone is willing to connect or contact with any advise, I would be so grateful.

Thank you to anyone who has read and wishes to help me.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi meldrum

Welcome - you've come to the right place. Just able to talk and be part of this community dealing with the same struggles has kept me sane. We all get it, we've got so much in common yet each of our situations are unique.

My DS is 26 and returned home to us at 24. He's never lived independently for very long - three attempts and he always downward spirals. What I've come to realise is that he had such limited life skills. He's been reluctant to accept the responsibility for his life and his own well being. I changed my approach and am seeing steady progress.

I'm glad that you're now able to start putting yourselves first and spending some  quality time together. What did you do when your daughter sent you the text?

I don't know how much you know about BPD but please take a look at the top right hand side of this page. Knowledge is power. The more I understood the less I reacted. I got myself a plan, some more effective skills and after 18 months my confidence in dealing with him has grown. I don't do a merry old dance around him any more.

how is your daughter coping with her living expenses?  
Is she in treatment?

We all help each other.

LP