How long it took you to be completely over her?

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Been NC for almost 3 years now. I never blocked him nor did he block me as we used WhatsApp mostly to communicate. I actually advised him that I'd be taking a break from him indefinitely.

I can say I've fully recovered from the ordeal, did therapy to address issues that lead to me being in this relationship and staying for 2 years.

Hi Inharmsway. Can you tell us how long it took you to be completely over him? As in not thinking of him when you go to sleep and when you wake up? I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I have no idea how far it is.

Thanks.

[NotOverHer]

Been NC for almost 3 years now. I never blocked him nor did he block me as we used WhatsApp mostly to communicate. I actually advised him that I'd be taking a break from him indefinitely.

I can say I've fully recovered from the ordeal, did therapy to address issues that lead to me being in this relationship and staying for 2 years.

Hi Inharmsway. Can you tell us how long it took you to be completely over him? As in not thinking of him when you go to sleep and when you wake up? I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I have no idea how far it is.

Thanks.

[Inharmsway]

Hi NotOverHer,

It took about 2 years to process all the residual feelings, emotions and finally getting over him. I won't lie, it ain't easy folks. I believe the advice I received from my therapist helped a great deal. My T suggested that everytime exBPDbf came to mind or when I experience the withdrawals I should try analyze those feelings at that exact time and write down what it was that I missed about my ex.

Overtime I started noticing that I was actually reliving my childhood trauma through this relationship. I started drawing parallels to how I sought exBPDbf's approval and validation which tied perfectly back to my own daddy issues  I didn't even think or knew I had. Also learnt I'm a codependent through this relationship.  The more I allowed myself to feel those feelings and digest them, the easier it became over time. Since my father is late, whenever I missed exBPDbf I'd write a letter to my father instead and addressing those feelings to him. This allowed me to make peace with my childhood and also forgive my dad.

By forgiving my dad actually lead to automatically forgiving exBPDbf. I got to realize the pain he "exBPDbf" must be in himself,  living in that emotional turmoil on a daily basis. I no longer feel hatred towards him but more compassion and have acknowledged that it's not my fault nor responsibility that he suffers from Emotional Dysregulation. I was sick and so is he, the two put together was a bad mix. We must be very grateful that us Nons have the ability to recognize the dysfunction can learn and save ourselves if prepared to put in the effort. Else we remain in that perpetual cycle until the lesson is learned. 

I learnt to now put myself first, not in a selfish way but I know I also have needs and will compromise on those in order to feel wanted and/or needed.

Being in that relationship was a blessing in disguise. My self esteem has also improved majorly as a result of this.

Guys, hang in there you'll pull through. We all have different rates of recovery and different types of trauma experienced in our upbringing. 

NC is the best way to go for ultimate healing.