My Mother

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi.  My mother has a borderline personality disorder.  Her behavior is very abusive at times and she never takes accountability.  She has created a lot of chaos, drama, and conflict in our family.  She also has pinned my sister and I against each other, and has tried to get in the way of my father and I's relationship.  Being the youngest in the family, I have always been the peacemaker.  I have always been much closer to my father, he is my nurturing parent.  As my parents have gotten older, my mother has gotten worse. She is narcissistic and mean at times.  When my dad had a brain injury, I was subjected to a lot of manipulative behavior from my mother.  My dad was no longer there to protect me.  At first, I was very confused by the push pull... .I attempted to take care of everything for my family. I was constantly criticized and got into many arguments with my mother.  I did not understand the behavior.  Because of the constant stress on my body, I had a serious immune condition.  I had wounds on my body.  Now, I have recovered.  I cannot be around my mother at all... .she is torturous.  I feel guilty for fighting back for I know I will never win and just exhaust myself.  Sometimes I cannot help it as she always creates chaos.  I have tried not reacting, it just has not worked well.   My only solution is to stay away from her completely.  She is not healthy and I need to protect myself.  The family psychologist says that the only way to protect myself is to have healthy boundaries.  I have much better boundaries however sometimes I fall into her trap.  It is a very difficult situation.  I love my mother yet I dislike her in many ways.  I must say that I really do not want to deal with her at all as I cannot because it so stressful to be around her.  Regards, Lisa

[Lisa Rachel]

Hi.  My mother has a borderline personality disorder.  Her behavior is very abusive at times and she never takes accountability.  She has created a lot of chaos, drama, and conflict in our family.  She also has pinned my sister and I against each other, and has tried to get in the way of my father and I's relationship.  Being the youngest in the family, I have always been the peacemaker.  I have always been much closer to my father, he is my nurturing parent.  As my parents have gotten older, my mother has gotten worse. She is narcissistic and mean at times.  When my dad had a brain injury, I was subjected to a lot of manipulative behavior from my mother.  My dad was no longer there to protect me.  At first, I was very confused by the push pull... .I attempted to take care of everything for my family. I was constantly criticized and got into many arguments with my mother.  I did not understand the behavior.  Because of the constant stress on my body, I had a serious immune condition.  I had wounds on my body.  Now, I have recovered.  I cannot be around my mother at all... .she is torturous.  I feel guilty for fighting back for I know I will never win and just exhaust myself.  Sometimes I cannot help it as she always creates chaos.  I have tried not reacting, it just has not worked well.   My only solution is to stay away from her completely.  She is not healthy and I need to protect myself.  The family psychologist says that the only way to protect myself is to have healthy boundaries.  I have much better boundaries however sometimes I fall into her trap.  It is a very difficult situation.  I love my mother yet I dislike her in many ways.  I must say that I really do not want to deal with her at all as I cannot because it so stressful to be around her.  Regards, Lisa

[Turkish]

When you mention the family psychologist,  has this person been supporting them also?

The advice about boundaries is good.  Perhaps this can help:

1.08 | Boundaries - examples

It sounds like you are feeling guilt trying to assert boundaries,  yes? Correct me if I'm not seeing this right.

Being the peacemaker is a tough position in which to be.  It involves focusing on the ground feelings of others at the expense of your own feelings.  You aren't,  however, responsible for anyone's feelings but your own. 

What kinds of manipulative behaviors is she engaging in,  and how can we help you assert boundaries? Read the link and tell us what you think.

T

[lovesherfam]

Being the peacemaker is a tough position in which to be.  It involves focusing on the ground feelings of others at the expense of your own feelings.  You aren't,  however, responsible for anyone's feelings but your own. 

True, I have been in that position