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Author Topic: Night and day...in a good way  (Read 413 times)
lostandconfused6
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
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« on: July 18, 2017, 08:44:14 AM »

My pwBPD took their final exam yesterday and boy oh boy is his attitude night and day. He's laughing again and being the sweet caring man i fell in love with. I'm so scared to completely let my guard down I feel when i do it will change or i won't be as on my game with not JADEing or triggering him in different situations.

My biggest question is he told me after he finished this class that we could talk about some lingering issues. He even wrote them all down to think about when his head was clear. I don't want to upset him or "push" him as he likes to call it but do i mention it or just let it go until later?
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Tattered Heart
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« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2017, 09:01:06 AM »

Sounds like he had some pretty serious stress relief. Enjoy the moment. I know it's difficult to completely relax during these times, but just keep practicting the tools. Use this time to work on validation and communicating when things are going well.

As for the issues you want to talk about, it's so easy to just let things lie now that everything has calmed down. Do you think things will remain calm? Would you rather talk about these issues when things are quiet and calm or when things are heated and disruptive?

What is a way that you can approach the subject that would help him feel validated and listened to but also share your feelings too?
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Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life Proverbs 13:12

lostandconfused6
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Posts: 267


« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2017, 09:16:12 AM »

Sounds like he had some pretty serious stress relief. Enjoy the moment. I know it's difficult to completely relax during these times, but just keep practicting the tools. Use this time to work on validation and communicating when things are going well.

As for the issues you want to talk about, it's so easy to just let things lie now that everything has calmed down. Do you think things will remain calm? Would you rather talk about these issues when things are quiet and calm or when things are heated and disruptive?

What is a way that you can approach the subject that would help him feel validated and listened to but also share your feelings too?

As soon as he got out of his test yesterday he apologized for the instance that happened sat night and told me how much he appreciates me and thanked me for being there for him and staying so calm when he gets upset about things in day to day life. I cried when i got off the phone i was so happy. that class was def. more stressful on him than i thought it was. I simply told him i will always be here for him no matter what and i completely understand why he was so stressed and upset and what his teacher was doing to him was not right and he has a reason to feel the way he did. I told him to stay positive and use this 6 week break to recoup and reset before the next semester starts and he asked me for help getting his life more organized and help him make a schedule he can he can follow i happily agreed and he said thank you then we ended it at that.

I think things will remain calm for the most part (i know there will be moments of upset and rage) at least until he starts his next semester. I would love to talk about them while he is calm and level headed and get them out of the way so we can focus on his next semester when it comes around without and lingering issues to have in the back of his mind or mine.

I think i'm going to see how the rest of this week goes and when i make him dinner on sat night (which he actually said he wants to help me with) maybe casually bring it up and just ask if he has had time to think about any of it or if there is a later date that we can set aside specifically to speak about these things, and if he can't give me an answer i'll calmly ask him to please let me know sometime in the next few days then drop it. I'll be very careful not to "badger" or "push"

Does that sound like a good plan?
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Tattered Heart
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« Reply #3 on: July 18, 2017, 09:50:28 AM »

That sounds good. Gentle reminder and leave it in his court. Maybe put a little emphasis on how it's important that you are able to hear him.
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Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life Proverbs 13:12

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