Hi New and I'd love advice

[Lovemyees]

Hi everyone,
I'm seeking advice on how to deal with my sister in law I suspect has BPD. I knew nothing about the condition until I was confiding about my issue with a good friend who is also a psychologist. She said it sounds very much like my sister in law has BPD. My sister in law and both live in the same city and are both stay at home mothers... she is very hard to deal with. I constantly feel like I've done something wrong. When I confronted her about it she threw all these ridiculous accusations at me... she had completely twisted events. She told our other sister in law that I rub money in her and my brother in laws faces... .the examples she gave of this made no sense. Our husbands are actually in the same profession and we are in very similar positions financially. When I questioned her further she admitted she was jealous because I have a perfect life. Mostly because I have a close bit family who visit me often. Unfortunately her family is very dysfunctional and the family members I have met clearly are not rational. The only contact she has with them now is abusive texts. She admitted during this conversation that she is extremely depressed and lonely. She agreed that she needed to seek help. After this conversation I went to visit family for a few weeks. Now it appears she's done a backflip and I'm evil now. I want to try and help and be there for her but she makes it next to impossible! I have bent over backwards to be nice to her. It seems no matter what I do she'll twist it into a negative. Because we only have eachother and our nuclear families in the same city we spend most holidays together. I want to have a good relationship with her but her version of that is me being her emotional support person. She thinks her life is so hard and everyone else has no issues and no right to complain about anything. I'm rambling now... I guess what I'd love to know is - is it possible to maintain a relationship with someone who won't seek help? Unfortunately her husband is an enabler and extremely non confrontational. He prefers to placate her and won't admit she needs help (although he has done in a few weak moments with my husband). I'm so tempted to totally disengage... .help...

[pandapopolous]

Hi! I'm new too so I don't really have any advice, but it sounds like you're going through something similar to what I am with my SIL. When you ask if it is possible to maintain a relationship with someone who won't seek help, I fully recognize that struggle. Unfortunately I don't have the answer, but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I'm sorry that you're going through this.

[Lovemyees]

Thanks for the response pandapopolous! I'm sorry that you're in a similar situation! It's awful isn't it. I'm trying to take a step back with my sil but I think she's all or nothing. My family is very easy going and drama free so this situation is very foreign to me. It's making me anxious thinking about it which is strange because I'm not an anxious person... .everyone on my inlaws side now know what she's like so we're all trying to figure it out together. We don't want her to alienate our bil and their child. The sad thing is I think my sol wants the same as all of us. To be close and have a good relationship. But she pushes everyone away with her behaviour.