Do BPD have a type – who they want to be?

[I_am_Stacey]

Hey all,

I was wondering what your experience has been with your BPD having a type. I’ve been thinking of this lately. It seems my ex has a ‘type’: his exwife, my replacement, me, all woman who are similar in a way. Besides the looks we have the same personality: very outgoing, love to go out, have a drink, lots of friends, very outspoken. All that he is not. He is pretty quiet, especially around new people, hates going out as he always gets in fights. Doesn’t drink. In the beginning he loves that personality. Me doing my own stuff, but in the end he ends up resenting  that same personality he loved so much: the drinking, going out, lots of friends, being outspoken.

Did you experience the same thing? It’s like he is with people who are all that he is not. Is it like that he wants to be like that? Looking for that personality?  And then ‘blaming’ for being that way because he is not?

Thoughts?

XOXO

[once removed]

people with BPD are like anyone else in this regard. some people have a clearly defined "type", some people dont.

a person with BPD does, usually unconsciously, look for someone to complete them. however, one could say the same about a great deal of the worlds population (i hear it from my peers ALL the time). BPD traits are human nature taken to extremes.

for example, as an introvert, im often attracted to extroverted women. not necessarily because i want to be an extrovert, but because its often a complimentary match.

And then ‘blaming’ for being that way because he is not?

people in general pay lots of lip service to ideals during courtship. theyre on their best behavior and want to be an attractive choice. it sounds like he praised your independence (it is possible that he envied it, i dont know him well enough to say) but his insecurity got the better of him.