I heard his voice for the first time in months semi proud of myself

[Idsrvt2]

I'm posting this here as I need to get this off my chest. Many know my story so those that do this is how this played out
Many know that I struggle with speaking to my x , just to get some peace ... today I realized that may come in time in its own time, but not today.

I was outside waiting for a friend who was stopping by th cheer me up a bit.

My temporary house mate (who knows nothing of my x ) sees him and asks him if he can take her letter... I heard his voice and could tell today was an upbeat day for him... the female persona.

I thought of making a joke that I have mail as well... which I did but I froze ... I couldn't bring myself to say a word ... and he just went on his way.
I'm shy as it is and so is he ... .this is how it was years ago
It would have been the perfect cover to do so though with her there ... to just make some joke ... .
but I know too much now ... he seemed to have composed himself at my neighbors as he was there awhile as I talked to my housemate

I feel so relieved that the order is over and no more triggers ... .now it's just about being the bigger person to someone that is mentally ill.

I think at some point we may talk... .it's just not right now and this is how I deal with the regret and everything I posted about earlier.  We both have our battles .lwe didn't work out ... I see my part in it