Anyone have similar experiences?

[roberto516]

When I went to therapy this week I was talking about how all I really want in a relationship is to be able to communicate and when I need a heloping hand to be carried in the dark times. My therapist said someone with BPD traits can't do that so they either try and have someone else comfort you.

When my grandpop died and I was depressed she came home one day with a book about finding meaning in despair for me. It made me laugh because it's exactly what happened. She coukdnt emptionally offer me support so she got me a book. I know it was her way of trying but it made me think. Does anyone else have similar experiences?

[FSTL]

My BPDx certainly couldn't cope with supporting me... .not for any period of time. I think she had learnt to feign concern and sometimes her sensitive side would weigh in and she would "feel" something for me. But it never lasted and quite often it turned from what appeared to be empathy to outright attack ("you're depressed!", "get over yourself", "I don't feel sorry for you" as she wasn't able to sustain feelings or it just became a reason to devalue me (especially when my feelings detracted from hers).

She did tell me to either keep it to myself or see or speak to someone else about it ("we're just two depressed people" and even threatened to end things over my feelings.  She also told me to get and see my friends - not because it was good for me, but because it was good for her.

[roberto516]

Thanks for sharing FSTL. You know I think more about my grandpops passing and what happened. The day he passed I told her and she left work to come back home (I didn't ask her to). She got Chinese food on the way and said she'd just lay on the couch next to me while I played video games. This lasted about an hour before she went in the bedroom to sleep. Hours later she wakes up to hear me crying. She hugs me and then I say I'm gonna take the dogs for a walk if she wants to come with me. She didnt.

The weeks after I tried talking to her about my existentialist crisis and she didn't offer any support. Then a day later a friend calls her and she spends an hour on the phone helping her through a tough time.

The thing I'll always remember is how she became addicted to netflix and would come home and go to the bedroom and binge watch on her phone. One day I went in to lay next to her (I was so depressed I just wanted a connection) and I put the tv on. It's when she said "it's hard to watch my show when you have the tv on. It's cramping my style." As I type this I can't tell you the amount of hurt that went through me there. A little bit later before bed I ask her if she wants to make love (again just to feel close to someone with that depression) and she said she was tired.

He passed around Christmas and she was so focused on getting her family Christmas gifts and was okay leaving me for hours at her condo. I even told her "I need more support right now and I know you're busy with christmas so I'm going to spend some time at my parents" to which she replied "I can support you the way you need me to." This led me to stay with her more as I so desperately wanted to believe her.

Christmas eve we were supposed t go to my family and then hers and my brother cancelled so I decided I would just go home and not to her familys. I felt so bad for my parents as they were home on chrstmad eve alone and i also wanted to feel a closeness to someone. I told her why. I told her that I would feel alone at her family's and I didn't want to have her mad that I was quiet there. Couple days later she told me "you ruined my christmas". I remember texting her mom to explain why I didn't come over and she said "you did the right thing spending time with your family."

Week or so later we were broken up. I think all of this was my final straw. I think I realized I wanted a partner who could help me through tough times. It was the first time I needed help in the relationship. And I communicated it clearly to her. Oh well.

Just needed to type this out. Riding the waves and this morning the seas have been really choppy. All this typing reminds me why I'm better off.

[Idsrvt2]

Yes, mine dumped me the day I had medical treatment in my spine he said he didn't know what to do he couldn't feel anything for anyone... I   reacted in anger and the rest you know.

My x however wanted to help me , there were times he would by listening to me... and would call me daily to see how my day went etc.

He said he was a fool to think he could help and make me happy and to go on and live a good life.   In the end he said he feared me ... .