Can you reason?

[NewStart]

Well it's all over and last pieces just about settled.  We have no children together, she got my house of 12 years and I certainly came out on the losing end but with no kids, really just about over.  So as we settled the last tax payment bits she is still just belittling me and so angry in her communications.  So do I drop that I know that somewhere in there she knows I'm a good man and it never had to go down like this or is something like that lost on BPD/NPD people?

Thx!

[Panshekay]

Happy you made it through it all, you are a survivor!  I guess my question would be " have things you have said to her in the past been lost on her?" There is the answer to your question. You know you are a good person, it really doesn't matter what she thinks anymore... .you are free. :-)

[NewStart]

Maybe part of it is for me... .the fact that after less than three years together she's living in my house of 12 years with my neighbors... .12 year labor of love and it was pretty much done... .and the neighborhood and my neighbors... .one you can't afford a house there now and my neighbors were money... .maybe I just want her to have at least some guilt in there... .some shame for basically robbing my boys and I of our home and half my life savings... .

[Panshekay]

I am sorry she was able to take your home and life savings away from you and your boys.  Of course you can say what you feel you need to, just be prepared that you may not get the heartfelt apology that you deserve.  I'm sorry she was able to get your home that you loved and worked hard for along with half your life savings.  When it comes to NP or BPD nothing is right or fair.

[NewStart]

Thanks for the thoughts Panshekay.

It comes in highs and lows how I feel about having lost so much... .there are times I feel so incredibly depressed about it and then there are other days that I am happy for the new start... .

I think part of the healing process is getting my true self back and even though I've been removed from the fog for two month now, I still don't quite have the real me back.  I do feel that I'm making some good strides towards that recently, I've cut back my drinking and gotten back on my mountain bike a ton, finished so much needed projects around the house and will continue to focus I regaining the fitness I lost while under the control of NPD/BPD exwife.

Today... .well I don't feel to bad... .and that's a good thing.

NewStart

[Panshekay]

I can certainly understand all of that. It's a grieving process.   :)enial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Sometimes you think you are finally ok, then something else happens and you start the process all over again. Remember to be gentle with yourself, dont beat yourself up over anything. You may not see it now but you survived, and an added huge plus... .you don't have any children together. When people share children together it's never over. I am thrilled to hear you are taking better care of yourself and actually having some good days. Try to live in the moment, I know I fail at that with so much going on for so long... .I need to be more mindful of the tons of blessing and treasures I do have in my life.

[40days_in_desert]

NewStart, that is sad that she ended up with your house but I'm sure you are ready to close that chapter of your life. My experience has been this: Sometimes, in her words,  I'm the best father and husband (past), man of integrity, hard worker and always take care of my kids, etc... .etc... .etc. Most of the time, I'm an evil person who only thinks about money, neglect my kids and lie and use other people. Most of our marriage, it was mostly idealization with periods of being split black. It's the opposite now. I no longer require, need or want her compliments and affirmation. If she does compliment me or say how good I am/was, I say thank you and find a peaceful way to end the conversation. As long as you are or get to a point of knowing who you are, her thoughts and opinions will be of little value to you. Not saying this in a hateful way but rather a way to move on without her being a barometer of what kind of man you are. She's a 12" ruler trying to measure by the yard... .